Saturday, March 08, 2008

I want. I hate. I need. I fear. I love.

I totally stole this from Karen (http://mammaren.wordpress.com/).

I want to have more free time so I can pursue frivolous creative interests that contribute nothing to my education other than to just keep me from having a major freak out.
I want to write and draw and paint without the little voice in the back of my mind telling me I should be doing homework.
I want to be more comfortable in my skin and not feel so awkward all the time.
I want to be proud of my intelligent and my GPA, rather than being ashamed of it.
I want to be able to say what's really on my mind without fear it will come back and bite me in the ass.
I want to change the world for the better.
I want to know and understand everything.
I want....

I hate feeling disconnected to God because I don't feel like I am worthy of unconditional love.
I hate being the center of attention.
I hate being afraid all the time.
I hate it when people look at me.
I hate Introduction to Psychology because most of it is pure bullshit.
I hate it that my mom feels so overwhelmed all the time and it seems like there is nothing I can do to help her.
I hate admitting that I can't help someone.
I hate….

I need more hours in the day.
I need a good night's sleep.
I need a cup of tea.
I need to get away from my textbooks this weekend but I can't because I won't be able to have any fun knowing that there is a stack of homework waiting for me on my desk.
I need to relax...but I can't.
I need to stop caring so much about the future.
I need to stop caring so much about what other people think because most of them are assholes anyway.
I need to organize my bedroom and clean my fishtank.
I need to stop neglecting my family and friends during the school semesters.
I need….

I fear almost eveything.
I fear I am losing my mind.
I fear that my life will be a waste.
I fear….

I love reading poetry while curled up in my bed.
I love writing beautiful stories.
I love connecting with people and touching their lives somehow.
I love my family.
I love my job and the people I work with.
I love how it feels when I get off the treadmill smiling even though I am breathless and covered in sweat.
I love how I look when I actually make an effect to look good.
I love….