Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Evaluate this.

My boss emailed all of the tutors an end of the semester evaluation to fill out. One of the questions asked if I feel comfortable with the other tutors.
What am I suppose to say? "Not really but it's not them, it's me."
I mean, that would be the truth.
I hate feeling this way. I hate going back and forth from feeling totally at home and like I finally found a place where I belong to feeling as if I am some kind of sideshow freak and that I will never feel comfortable with who I am.
Am I losing my mind again?
And the worst part is that I know it is all me. It has nothing to do with them because they have been nothing but nice all semester. I am the one isolating myself and I know that if I were to open up and stopped being so shy and anxious all the time, it would be so much better and that I would have real friends. It is so much easier said than done.

But I will end up lying on the evaluation and saying that I am totally fine with everything and that life is just a bunch of daisies.
I've gotten pretty good at convincing everyone that I am okay. Maybe one day I can convince myself.

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