I know you won't ever read this. Maybe that's why I'm writing it here rather than actually saying it to you. Maybe one day I will say these words to you and this is just practice. I don't know.
I'm sorry. I know that it has been hard for you and I know I was so wrapped up in myself that I wasn't there for you. If I could turn back time, I would change how I acted. Hell, if I could turn back time, I would change the whole situation and he would still be here. But he's not.
He's gone. And, yes, I'm sorry for that too. I'm so sorry you didn't get the time with him that you deserved. I miss him more than anything and I know that, despite all of your attitude, you do too. I know this wasn't how it was suppose to be. He was suppose to be here for us. But he's not so we have to be here for each other.
I sorry I didn't see things sooner. I'm sorry I was blind to your pain. I'm sorry I didn't stop it sooner.
Please forgive me.
Killing yourself won't bring him back.
Please get better.