Monday, July 21, 2008

Yum. Smoothies.

I was going to spend this entire post bitching about life and family, more specifically, my prick brother and his leathery skinned whorebag girlfriend. I know that is what you would rather read about but no.

I said to myself, "Firefly, you need to take all of that anger and rage you feel right now and ball it up. Just squish it and put it away, far away. And in ten years, when they cut that tumor out, this whole thing will seem really petty."

So I am not going to bitch about anything but I am going to write about something I love.


Yes, smoothies.

As some of you may or may not know, I used to work at Smoothie King. That place sucks. Seriously. You think Starbucks is ripping you off? You would have a fucking heart attack if you saw the profit margin on some of those shitty drinks. The Slim-N-Trim Smoothies cost about $0.30 to make. Yeah, and you are paying $5 for ice, water, and chocolate powder. Ha. Don't you feel like a total jackass? Oh and the posters of all the yummy-looking fruit you see when you walk in? Non existent. All of the fruit flavors come from packaged juices and cans and the strawberries are frozen with sugar. The only fresh fruit that is used are the bananas.

Anyway, I found a place in Baton Rouge that I am absolutely in love with. Paradise Smoothie is located at Sherwood Forest and Florida Boulevard. They have the best smoothie in Baton Rouge and, while I may not be totally qualified to say this but I will anyway, possible the whole world. If they found a Smoothie Place on Mars, Paradise Smoothie would probably be better than that one too.

The first thing you notice when you walk in Paradise Smoothie is how hip it looks, and yes I realize how uncool it is to say the word "hip" but it is the only way to describe it. They have computers and a flat screen TV to keep you entertained while you are waiting for your drink. The employees are so nice and willing to offer suggestions because the options and combinations of drinks available are kind of intimidating.

I'll make a few suggestions:

  • Pina Colada smoothie with pineapple jelly. The jellies are small cubes that have a constancy that falls somewhere between jello and gummy bears. It's my favorite.
  • Strawberry Pineapple with Tapioca Peals. Yum.
  • Strawberry Banana with rainbow jelly. I'm not sure why it is called "rainbow jelly" when they are red, orange, yellow, and white but they are good no matter what color they are.

I don't know why the bubble smoothies are so appealing. Maybe it is the comically large straws that you drink them with or the idea of chewing and drinking at the same time. Whatever it is, consider your life incomplete if you have never had one.


Jordan said...

Yeah we got two Paradise Smoothies about two years ago. My life has never been the same since. Now I can't say that I'm crazy about the tapioca pearls or the jellies, actually they kind of gross me out. But I do enjoy the giant straws. And I do know for a fact that all of the fruit is fresh because in ours all of it is sitting in a refridgerator directly behind the counter and you can see it all. Smoothie King fucking sucks and everyone knows that shit.

Also, if you need to be angry, be angry. Get all mad and indignant. Your brother's girlfriend is a whore? Tell us about it, how slutty is she? Did she fuck a priest? WE NEED TO KNOW. Don't deny us.

Krys said...

The next time im in baton rouge, I will have to check that place out.
And I agree if you need to be angry,the do so! Hope all goes well, Krys