Dear Sarah Jessica Parker,
I don't like you very much. It's nothing personal. It could be because your face makes me very uncomfortable. It is what I like to call "unfortunate looking"; as if your face has been in some kind of unfortunate accident. Or it could be because I never really liked "Sex And The City". The first time I ever saw it, you were wearing a tutu in the middle of New York City and I thought you just escaped from a mental hospital. Is the old looking one suppose to be your mother? Is the red headed lesbian her partner? I just don't get it.
Anyway, that's not why I am writing you. Today while I was at Steve and Barry's, I came across your clothing line BITTEN. I just wanted to thank you because I actually found jeans in my size. Not only were the in my size but they were also on sale. Not only were they in my size and on sale, they make my ass look FANTASTIC.
So, thanks. You made a fat chick really happy today.
All the best,
PS- Because Steve and Barry's is going out of business (which I assume you did single-handedly) everything is 75% off. EVERYTHING.
Mom's newest beau bought two mannequins for his suit of armor and his storm trooper costume. I sincerely wish there was a joke in here somewhere but there isn't. My mom is dating a guy who, for fun, dresses as a storm trooper. I bet he goes to the conventions too.