Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I'm sorry...

I know you won't ever read this. Maybe that's why I'm writing it here rather than actually saying it to you. Maybe one day I will say these words to you and this is just practice. I don't know.
I'm sorry. I know that it has been hard for you and I know I was so wrapped up in myself that I wasn't there for you. If I could turn back time, I would change how I acted. Hell, if I could turn back time, I would change the whole situation and he would still be here. But he's not.
He's gone. And, yes, I'm sorry for that too. I'm so sorry you didn't get the time with him that you deserved. I miss him more than anything and I know that, despite all of your attitude, you do too. I know this wasn't how it was suppose to be. He was suppose to be here for us. But he's not so we have to be here for each other.
I sorry I didn't see things sooner. I'm sorry I was blind to your pain. I'm sorry I didn't stop it sooner.
Please forgive me.
Killing yourself won't bring him back.
Please get better.

Texas

Better late than never, I guess.
I got back from Texas safe and sound. I had an amazing time but seeing my nephews only reminds me how much I miss them and how I wish they lived closer.
My sister is doing an amazing job raising them and the saddest thing is that I don't think anyone ever reminds her of that. I seriously don't know how she does it all without totally losing her mind. She has so much perseverance and strength to handle all of the things she does on a daily basis.
I love you, Cathy!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Toads and Jello Shots

Hello dear readers. If there is a spelling mistake in this short post, it is because I am typing it on my tiny Centro keyboard and has absolutely nothing to do with the jello shots I just had.
[insert drunk giggles here]
I was totally not "frolicking" on the patio stones, as Cathy puts it. Did I have frowers on my hair or was I wearing fairy wings?
See? No frolicking here.
I just didn't want to step on the frogs with my huge feet.
Oh and "He hates me to death." Hahaha.
How long did it take to read this post because it took me, like, 20 minutes to write it.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Can I get an "Amen"?

Oh, Dear sweet baby Jesus.
Thank you so much for giving me the strength to survive this semester and for giving me the patience to not choke the shit out of anyone.
Yes, that's rights. On Friday morning, as of 11:30am, I was offically done with the Spring 2007 semester.
Right now, it's past midnight and I am still packing for tomorrow morning when I leave for Texas to see my sister. Yay!!! I can't wait to see her and the boys.
But I have alot left to do and I still need to shower.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Evaluate this.

My boss emailed all of the tutors an end of the semester evaluation to fill out. One of the questions asked if I feel comfortable with the other tutors.
What am I suppose to say? "Not really but it's not them, it's me."
I mean, that would be the truth.
I hate feeling this way. I hate going back and forth from feeling totally at home and like I finally found a place where I belong to feeling as if I am some kind of sideshow freak and that I will never feel comfortable with who I am.
Am I losing my mind again?
And the worst part is that I know it is all me. It has nothing to do with them because they have been nothing but nice all semester. I am the one isolating myself and I know that if I were to open up and stopped being so shy and anxious all the time, it would be so much better and that I would have real friends. It is so much easier said than done.

But I will end up lying on the evaluation and saying that I am totally fine with everything and that life is just a bunch of daisies.
I've gotten pretty good at convincing everyone that I am okay. Maybe one day I can convince myself.

The Stuff Fantasies are Made Of.

I just watched the Amy Winehouse video "You Know I'm No Good" and noticed her boyfriend (the guy she is cheating on) for the first time. Seriously, how gorgeous is he?
Oh, Amy, Amy Amy. How could you cheat on him? Plus, the only way you could finish was to think about him. Why cheat in the first place?!??!?!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Updates

*I'm offically out of the "teens". Thank God. They totally sucked. Celebrated with marigaritas and getting a Palm Centro (coolest.phone.ever).
*I'm updating this blog from work because I just finished my Psychology final. One down, three more to go.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Oh, Firefly. When will you learn?

Tomorrow is my last day of classes.
Classes from 7:00am-10:00 and then I am done.
Work from 10:30am -2pm.
Job interview at 2:15pm. Don't worry, it's on campus so I won't be late.
Lunch/dinner with mom and aunt sometime after 3pm.
Turning 20 on Saturday.

Oh and did I mention that I am sick right now and still have a biology project to finish before 7am? I still have 8.5 hours.

No sleep for me tonight.

Thank God this shit is almost over.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Questions

Stolen from Cat's blog. With smart-ass responces by yours truly.

Can you cry under water? Probably but only if you are wearing goggles. Fun fact: You can't see underwater when you open your eyes. You need to have air between your eyeball and the water. But I don't remember where I heard that.
What a great idea for emo kids. Instead of them writing shitty poetry about "walking in the rain" so that no one can see their tear, they can just stay underwater. Preferably for long periods of time. Don't forget your waterproof mascara, bitches.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Big. Like super big. Like "Carnie Wilson-before-she-had-her-stomach-removed-(or something like that)" big. I think maybe if Angelina Jolie was murdered, they would call it an assassination. But if Jennifer Aniston was murdered, they would say, "OMG, that bitch got shot. I hope they don't play 'Along Came Polly' over and over again."

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Because YOU put your two cents in, and other people want your thoughts. Apparently, you think your thoughts are worth more than they actually are.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Nope, I plan on trading the dress I am buried in for a white robe, some wings and a halo.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Have you ever tried to fold a round box?

What disease did cured ham actually have? Probably VD from all the crazy barnyard sex that pigs have. Ew. VD ham.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? Apparently the people who first said "slept like a baby" was a society mom and had a nanny raise her child.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Because people are stupid.

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. I think they play "Guess What Kind of Underwear the Patient is Wearing" behind the door. Will it be matching bra and panties or the laundry day mismatched, saggy ass white panties that you bought in bulk for $1 for a pack of thirty.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? I don't know. Why did someone think that pants come in pairs?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Jimmy probably wrote the stupid song because no one cared about him and then he sang the song just to convince people that someone did care.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Maybe the professor was really a closet idiot who only knew how to do really smart stuff. Kind of like me. When I was 14, I had no idea that when someone asked you if you were cool that they meant were you cool with smoking pot with them or them smoking pot around you. One day, me and a girl I used to know were talking to this guy who lived up the street from me. He asked if I was cool, and I said, "What?" He pulled out a bag of pot and I said, "No, no. We're not cool." Seriously, you have no idea how much it pains me to tell that story.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Yeah, maybe it has something to do with the view.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

"WTF?" Moments of the Week

  • I cried after watching a Discovery Channel commercial. You know, the one where they all start sing, "I love the whole world," and at the end it says, "The World Is Just Awesome." I'm getting choked up thinking about it now.



    • I came to the realization that I have spent almost $300 on Vera Bradley purses in the past two weeks. To be fair, I did get mom one for Mother's Day.

    • I had a sex dream about V [from V For Vendetta]. I guess it's slightly better than having one about Natalie Portman [although, she was seriously the hottest bald chick ever].