Thursday, December 31, 2009
It has been a crazy year, one I will not soon forget no matter how much Boone's Farm and red wine I drink in the attempt to. You saw some amazing beginning and some tragic endings. You also provided opportunities to learn and grow in every aspect of my life. At times, you were a cold heartless bitch. Other times, you were a kind teacher.
I can't say that I am so sad to see you go.
Postscript: You did, however, have some fab pop music. So, I guess, all is forgiven.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I love you more than all the fish in the sea.
I love you more than dreams, and starlight, and all that other poetic crap.
I love you more than Lady Grey tea on a cold day.
I love you more than seeing fireflies in the city.
I love you more than shopping for school/office supplies.
I love you more than dancing to Lady Gaga when no one is watching.
I love you more than reading Harry Potter on a rainy day.
I love you more than writing dirty limericks in public.
I love you more than origami butterflies.
I love you more than realizing I am not the girl I used to be.
I love you more than fairy tales, magic, and leather-bound books.
I love you more than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
How much do you love _____ more than?
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
- Changes of heart and changes of profession
- Cold weather and a chance to wear fuzzy winter boots
- Clean, fresh-smelling bedsheets
- Hot water...or even cold running water. I watched the *30 Days* last night where Morgan Spurlock lives on the Navajo Reservation and some of them had no running water. It puts things in perspective when I complain about my brothers hogging the bathroom.
- Sandalwood incense
- Herbal tea
- Waking up early enough to see the sun rise over the frost covered grass
- Text messages from people I love
What are you grateful for today?
Monday, December 28, 2009
Stolen from the amazing Love Letter To The Universe
1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
- Take a summer class
- Drink alcohol in New Orleans
- Dance in a lesbian bar at midnight in Florida
- Gamble in a casino
- Win money while gambling in a casino
- See little old people naked [during hospital clinicals]
- Help wash a little old man [during hospital clinicals]
2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for next year? My 2009 resolutions were to pass my A&P2 class and to get into nursing school, both of which I did. I haven't thought much about my resolutions for 2010 but ya'll will be the first ones to know.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No but a good friend of mine is due in a few weeks.
4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes. :-(
5. What countries did you visit? I didn't travel outside of the states this year but I did visit the states of Confusion and Madness quite a few times.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? Maybe a little bit more inner peace and tranquility, both with require either a refill of xanax or meditation.
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? My mine doesn't really work that way but I'll never forget my vacation to Pensacola in May or when I received my acceptance letter to nursing school.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting over my fear of penises. I'm just kidding. I'm still afraid of them.
9. What was your biggest failure? Not so much failure, but I did deal with a bought of depression during October and November.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No major illness. Just your average colds throughout the year. Although, I do have a case of dance fever right now that I am having a hard time getting rid of.
11. What was the best thing someone bought you? Mommy Dearest gave me an Ipod Touch for my birthday. :-)
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Quite a few people. We should totally throw a parade for them.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Glenn Beck
14. Where did most of your money go? Tuition and textbooks. I wish I could say something more fun like constructing an underground lair or glitter or something.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Honestly? Tim Burton's *Alice In Wonderland* coming out in May
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
[Try not to laugh too hard.]
- LoveGame by Lady GaGa
- Shot by The Gay Blades
- 1901 by Phoenix
- I've Got Your Number by Passion Pit
- In For The Kill by La Roux
- Thank You For Last Night by Amy Kuney
- Satellite by Anne Nalick
- 3 by Britney Spears
- Careless Whisper by Seether
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? A bit happier. Thanks for asking.
b) fatter or skinner? About the same
c) richer or poorer? About the same
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Kinked-out, freaky sex. [I'm totally kidding...or am I?]
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Worry
20. How do you plan to spend Christmas? I spent Christmas with most of my family [missed you, Cat!] here at home. We made eggrolls. It was awesome.
21. Did you fall in love in 2009? No. But I fell in lust at least twice a day.
22. How many one night stands? A lady doesn't tell. Okay. It was none.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
- Grey's Anatomy
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No. Quite the opposite actually. I like to think that I become kinder as I age.
25. What was the best book you read?
- Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi
- White Oleander By Janet Fitch
- Blankets by Craig Thompson
- All 7 Harry Potter books
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Amy Kuney. I also rediscovered by love for Seether.
27. What did you want and get? Antidepressants
28. What did you want and not get? A pony.
29. What was your favorite film of this year? It wasn't from this year but I saw *Children of Men* and I loved it.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 21 and spent the day in New Orleans with family.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A bit more organization and time management.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? Tired college student meets fairy princess meets Rainbow Brite.
33. What kept you sane? Medication and magic.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Blah.
35. What political issue stirred you the most? Prop 8. The world could use more love.
36. Who do you miss? Several people.
37. Who was the best new person you met? Oh, you can't ask me that! There are far too many to name. A few extra amazing classmates come to mind.
38. What was the best thing you ate? Mmmm. The little Chinese place around the corner is fabulous.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009? I am responsible for my own experience. If I want it to be positive, it will be. If I go into something with a shitty attitude, my experience will reflect that.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: I have a taste for talent wasted. Oh, waste it on me, waste it on me. [Appreciate Your Hands – Amy Kuney]
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
No. What's interesting, Firefly?
I thought that with school ending and me having endless hours to sit at home with family (not nearly as fun as it sounds), I would have so much more time to write and so much more material to write about. And, turns out, neither of those are true.
Unless you want to hear about the endless origami folding sessions resulting in enough paper cranes to [insert action that takes many, many paper cranes here], my recent love affair with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (yum), or my futile attempts to learn to knit; I am out of ideas.
Plus, I have become quite paranoid about the amount of personal things I post of the Internet. I mean, I recently Googled myself (Yes. I know, I'm a narcissist) and the results were a bit scary. My Myspace, Facebook, and several old blogs from my past showed up. Blogs if which any of my nursing professors found, they would most likely think twice before letting me take care of another human being.
So, three questions for ya'll [I totally just channeled Paula Dean]:
- What has been going on in your life?
- What do you write about in your blog when nothing is going on?
- How much information about yourself do you actually post on the Internet, social networking sites and blogs included?
Friday, December 18, 2009
- If I ever get a chance to change my name, like if I enter Witness Protection after I see a mob hit or something, I want my last name to be *Darling*. My other two choices are Stone and Belle (pronouces like Bell....but with an e on the end). I have seriously put a lot of thought into this.
- I bought a new pathology book yesterday, which was honestly the highlight of my day. My bookshelf looks like a medical/nursing library threw up on it.
- For an hour two days ago, I narriated my life in song. I also made Lee's girlfriend cry from laughing so hard because I started singing about them arguing abut Mafia Wars on Myspace. It is one of those *you had to be there* stories.
- It just occured to me today that James Cameron and Kirk Cameron are not, in fact, the same person. When I saw the preview for James Cameron's Avatar, I thought, "Isn't that the guy from Growing Pains who pimps for Jesus now (my pet name for Christianity)?" No. No, he is not.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
- Check my email
- Make 20 origami cranes
- Eat a Ruben sandwich to celebrate Hanukkah
- Convert O2 into CO2
So, in reality, I was quite busy on a cellular level, even if looked like I was napping.
- Not So Humble Pie's Petri Dish Cookies. For some strange (and slightly horrifying) reason, I have the strongest desire to bake these cookies for my microbiology professor. But serious, how awesome are these things?
- Tis the season for colds, flus, and over all crappy feelings. Why not try Gala's Magical Guide to Getting Well? [Includes a fabulous recipe for a boozy *magic potion*]
- Since I have become obsessed with Facebook over the past year, I was happy to find Lamebook. I can honestly say that not of my friends are that bad [and neither am I].
- While we are on the subject of FAIL, check out Yahoo! Answer Fail. I didn't even realize that people could be that stupid. It would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.
- How to Improve Your Reality. Because can't we all use a little improvement in that department?
- Emails From An Asshole: Don't Even Reply. I have a link to this guy on the sidebar but I thought I should list his site in this entry. Basically, he replies to postings on Craigslist and has crazy conversations with the people who send emails back. Believe me, it is a lot funnier than how I am describing it.
- Owl Tattoos. It is exactly what it sounds like.
- Gay Rights protest signs. I sincerely wish that one day, very soon, there will be no need for them (not because there are no longer any gay people, but because they have equal rights and protections under the law....just thought I'd clear that up).
Friday, December 11, 2009
So here we go.
When you are in nursing school (or medical school or phlebotomy school or anything in health care), it is inevitable that someone comes to you from health advice. I honestly expected the "Can you look at this mole?" or "My stools are looking a bit green. What should I do?" The question I was asked caught me totally off guard.
A few weeks ago, after one of the most brutal exams of the semester, I was sitting down the hall from the lecture room (far enough away from the nursing crowd so that I wouldn't kill myself when they discuss questions from the exam). A guy that I have been in absolute lust (as opposed to love) with walks by and sees me reading (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, I believe it was).
He sits down to talk with me about his previous night in which he slept in a bed that was not his own and when a train went by at 4am, he jumped up and fell on the ground. Oh but don't worry about it because "We left the camera on so it's all on video tape." Lovely.
He then proceeds to say, "You're in nursing school, right? This girl I am seeing was in a car accident a few weeks ago and she is taking an opioid painkiller. I am deathly allergic to opiates, I mean I can't even have a poppy seed or anything. If I am eating her out, will I have an allergic reaction?"
Him: "Because that is my favorite thing to do."
Me: "Well, if you did have an allergic reaction, at least you would die doing what you love."
My dear readers, you're welcome.
♥ Firefly ♥
Thursday, November 26, 2009
1. My family. I don't say it nearly enough but I am most thankful for them. Even when we argue, even when we don't agree, even when I am willing to walk cross country with glass in my shoes to get away from them. They have been a true support system in the past few years when I have needed them most and I will forever be grateful.
2. I am thankful for modern medicine, most specifically, antidepressents. I know I'll probably catch hell for this but two weeks ago I started taking one. It is truly a miracle. I am thinking clearer than I have before and for the first time in a very long time I can say that there isn't a dark cloud hanging over me.
3. I am thankful for nursing school. Not matter how much I dreaded the 0630 call time for clinicals or getting up at 0500 to get ready for class, I can feel myself learning and becoming more confident in what I know.
4. I am thankful for my classmates. Never before have I met people who are more dedicated or goal driven. They are all so smart and caring and I know that one day we are all going to be kick-ass nurses.
5. I am thankful for my readers. My dear, dear readers. What would be blog be without you? It would still be a page on the Internet and I would probably still post to it but, essentially, I would be taking to myself (which I'm sure is the first sign of schizophrenia). So thank you, readers for keeping me sane. Thank you for the comments and the lurking. You guys rock.
6. I am thankful for my sister, who installed anti-malware software on my computer and successfully got rid of many, many nasty little bugs that were hiding in my computer. Love you, Cat!
7. I am thankful for knowledge and all that is including in that. Books and academic journals and art and biology. The world is just so amazing and there is so much to learn and discover. I want to know all of it.
8. I am thankful for my nursing professors. Yes, they were terrifying and one even managed to make me cry (but it wasn't really a big deal because, at that time, I was cry every few hours). But they were also supportive and ready to help whenever I needed it.
9. I am thankful for the human body. Ever since I finished my A&P courses in the spring, everything about it amazes me. It is a fascinating universe all on its own.Photo Credits:
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
On the agenda for this morning is my Fundamentals of Nursing HESI (Health Education Systems, Inc.) exam. It is a standardized test that you have to take and pass to get out of each level of nursing classes. Super fun. On the plus side, it is only 50 (or is it 55?) questions, so it shouldn't take forever to do. Afterwards, Mother Dearest and I are going to do some shopping for Thanksgiving. Hopefully; while we are out, I can pick up the 6th Harry Potter book because I am almost done with the fifth. Yay!
I'm such a nerd but I know that is why you all love me so much. :-)
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Saturday, November 07, 2009
On Wednesday after clinicals; I went home, ate lunch and then went to the college to finish my careplan that was due on Thursday morning. A friend from my group called to ask me what I was doing and I told him where I was. He drove drove to the school and we sat on the third floor of the library for 3 hours, working out our diagnoses for our clients, all while listening to Britney Spears coming from the laptop speakers....in the library. I felt like such a rule breaker.
It might have been the most fun I have had this semester.....which is kind of sad.
Anyway, I have been listening to "3" by Britney Spears for a while now and I think that I feel safe in saying that I believe it to be about threesomes. Yeah. Your welcome for pointing that out.
Friday, November 06, 2009
- Not having time to do NaNoWriMo. I have always wanted to do it but I knew that this year, with nursing school and all the other stuff going on, there is just no way I would be able to fit it in without giving up sleep or sanity.
- My online sociology classes. I swear, they are useless. OMG, you mean men and women are treated differently?!?!?! Un-fucking-believable!
- Writing careplans. Enough said.
- Deciding not to date while in nursing school. What the fuck was I thinking? Homegirl needs to blow off some stream, STAT.
- The sexual innuendo in the previous bullet point. Also, calling myself homegirl. Lame.
- Not being able to sneeze without being glared at like I am Typhoid Mary. It is just allergies, people!
- Sharpie Retractable pens. I love Sharpie so I cannot even tell you how disappointed I am when last night I tried to use my retractable pen and it had dried out. It was only about the 12th time I had used it! Get it together, Sharpie, or Pentel will be getting my business.
- The new food I bought my dog. You try sleeping in the same bed as a gassy red heeler. Not fun.
- Not being able to figure out origami tessellations. Sooo frustrating.
- Not being in Texas right now. I have never been sad about not being in Texas. Ever. Until now, that is. My sister's birthday party is this weekend and I am quite sad to say that I cannot attend. :-(
Things I Love Now:
- Chamomile-Mint tea. Yummy.
- Being able to afford to get much needed dental work done. Not glamorous, but necessary.
- Sephora. I have never been seriously into makeup but I went to Sephora today because I was out of (or almost out of) my face powder (the stuff I put on over my concealer and foundation to keep it from coming off so easily). That place is amazing. I have never seen so many pretties and sparklies in one place before. I was good and only had one impulse buy...a nail polish in the color "Metro Chic." It was too unique to pass up...like a gray-purple color. I can only wear it until Monday night because on Tuesday I have to go to the hospital and get my patient information. sigh. But anyway, Sephora. Yes please.
- Hulu. I have said it before and I will say it again: I love that I can concentrate on school work during the week and still be able to catchup with my favorite shows on the weekends. Thank you, Hulu. You have made this overworked nursing student very happy.
- Monkey Trail Mix: Chocolate covered peanuts, banana chips, walnuts and pineapple chunks.
PS: Cat, Happy late birthday. I love you and I am very happy things worked out for you last week. I have been looking, but you would not believe how hard it is to find a card that says, "Congratulations on not having cancer!" The search continues.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
This whole routine is getting really old, really fast.
They tell me it is worth it, though. "They" must have forgotten how much it sucks getting through it.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
OMG. Want. Want now.
If I were ever a superhero, this would be my costume [I would have no real powers but I would look awesome....and really, isn't that a power all by itself?]. Seriously. It is so beautiful. Plus, the name Luly (the designer's name....Luly Yang) kicks ass. My next pet will be named Luly. I would say "my child" but I am not having kids....so pet it is.
Friday, October 30, 2009
That Intro to Logic class sure did pay off.
"We are nursing students. The red is like a big warning sign telling everyone that we know just enough to get us into trouble but not enough to actually help anyone."
A little bit of knowledge can be a dangerous thing.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I got to the hospital at 0630 and started my clinical. It went pretty well.
Here's the problem: I want to tell you all about it, but I don't think I can. My mind keeps going back to articles I have read about nursing students getting kicked out of their programs for accidentally letting patient info slip, even if it was just the number of children they have or what their diagnosis was. So, mums the word.
I will tell you that I got to watch my partner put a Foley catheter in our patient. He did so well and I was really proud of him. :-) Hopefully, I will get my chance to do one next week. My luck, I'll end up messing it up somehow. Haha.
3rd exam tomorrow and about half a dozen med sheets, care plans, and nursing dications to do what the weekend looks free. I think a Harry Potter movie marathon might be in the cards. :)
Oh and I told one of my classmates how much I hate calling patients "clients" and he agreed that it makes us sound like hookers. We might as well start calling them "johns."
I probably just set the profession of nursing back by at least 50 years with the previous statement. Let's see if we can make it 100 years next time, shall we?
Monday, October 26, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
This up coming week is going to be absolutely crazy.
Monday: Cultural report due. Seriously? I'm a 21 year old white girl that was born and raised in the south. And I have a feeling that when the teacher is asking about our culture, she expects to hear about more than just LSU football and gumbo.
Tuesday: Getting my hair cut (finally) and going to the hospital to get info on my patient....ahmmm...."client" (okay, calling them a client kind of makes me feel like a hooker). The rest of the day will be spent writing up care plans and medication cards. Sounds like so much more fun that it actually is.
Wednesday: In the hospital from 6am to 12:30pm. Then back to the school to study.
Thursday: Huge test in Fundamentals...med administration, pain management, nutrition, and about half a dozen other topics. 16% of our overall grade for the semester.
If I survive this week, I am going out this coming weekend. Or I might just stay in and drink by myself. Either way works for me.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Why, thank you for asking, voice in my head. You have gotten much politer since the lobotomy.
Here it is:
O Shot - The Gay Blades
Fave lyrics: O Shot, You never got caught
And even if you did you're causing no harm.
Why do you love it:They are called The Gay Blades. How could you not like a band like that? Plus, their album cover is of a pirate ship being attacked by a ghost. Yes. That is correct. Ghost pirates.
1901 - Phoenix
Fave lyrics: Lie down you know it's easy
Like we did it over summer long
Why do you love it: This song got me through more microbiology study sessions than I care to remember over the summer.
I've Got Your Number - Passion Pit
Fave lyrics: And if all else fails then the ship won’t set sail.
God forbid but I guess the both of us will bail.
But as far as I can tell I think things will be swell.
Why do you love it: I swear that it sounds like the red lips from the Rocky Horror Picture Show are singing this song. And that is just great.
In For The Kill - La Roux
Fave lyrics: I hang my hopes out on the line
Will they be ready for you in time
If you leave them out too long
They'll be withered by this song
Why do you love it: British electrica music song by an androgynous redheaded chick. What's not to love? Plus, it sounds like music you could get busy to, which is always lovely.
I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor - Arctic Monkeys
Fave lyrics: Well I bet that you look good on the dance floor
Dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984
Why do you love it: This song randomly cycled into the shuffle on my Ipod and I cannot even explain why I like it so much. I think I am just in the mood for something a little bit more fun than my usual tunes.
Sandstorm - Darude
Fave lyrics: No lyrics...just techno beats.
Why do you love it: It one of those "treadmill songs" that just follows when you are not exercising and you find yourself dancing to it throughout the day. Listen to it loud enough and it will give you an irregular heartbeat (aka an arrhythmia). If you had to choose a way to die, a techno-induced heart attack would be high on the list.
Unbreakable - Fireflight
Fave lyrics: God, I want to dream again. Take where I've never been.
I want to go there. This time I'm not scared
Now I'm unbreakable, it's unmistakable
Why do you love it: It's like the girly version of "Eye of the Tiger". It is also a pretty good way to pump yourself up for those shitty 8am labs.
- When I am as old as you, I pray to God in heaven that I am not nearly as bitter. I am so sorry that you hate everything and everyone. And I am especially sorry that you feel this uncontrollable desire to tell me all about it. Might I suggest you try medication?
- When you ask me what I made on a test and I say, "I passed," that is not an invitation to seek more information. It is none of your business and the only reason you want to know is so that you can either A) Gloat about making a high grade or B) Talk shit about me to your friends about how I have no social life and spend all my time studying. Either way, fuck you.
- You are a crazy bitch and I love you for it. I am so glad you and I are in the same group because, when the shit hits the fan, you're the girl I want on my side.
- The thought of you being a nurse and actually taking care of another human being fucking terrifies me. I wouldn't trust you with a goldfish and the instructors are actually going to let you give shots?!?
- You have no idea how much easier it is being in the nursing skills lab at 8am when I see you are there. I like you. I mean, I really like you. And I want to tell you but I think I might scare you away. Plus, I want you to teach me to play Halo.
- You needed to be screened for dementia. I mean this it all seriousness because it worries me that you are teaching us. Plus, you scare the shit out of everyone.
- Screw what your in-laws say. They suck and everyone knows you are a great mom. ;-)
[I might start doing this kind of post regularly. What do you think?]
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Well, I was excited.
Enter: my mother.
"Now, *Firefly,* don't be nervous. Because if you are nervous while putting a catheter in a male, your hands will be shaking which might cause....well....you know...he could....um....rise to attention."
My mother just cautioned me against giving a guy an erection while putting in a catheter. Thank you, mom. I'm pretty sure once the tube is being pushed in, he won't be nearly as happy about it.
I was totally fine with starting clinicals. Now I am nervous about being nervous.
Monday, October 19, 2009
It is so odd. There has been no less than 10 weddings since the start of the semester and at least 3 of my classmates are with child. One of my male classmates just found out that his girlfriend is expecting (his, I presume).
I told this classmate that, when we start doing clinical at the hospital, I plan on standing near the X-ray machine for about an hour a shift in the hopes that my eggs will fry before they have a chance to be fertilized. He said that he wished he had thought of that.
Oh, and how is nursing school not a turn on? I mean, those sexy ill-fitting scrubs. The white orthopedic shoes. That's hot [sorry for channeling Paris Hilton].
Yep. Gone are the days of the nursing uniform that inspired the Hot Topic Halloween costumes.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
♥ Go to either YouTube or Playlist.com. Search for "Sandstorm". Click the one by Darude. Be ready for amazing techno and then dance that shit out.
♥ MyLifeIsAverage [MLIA]. I want to be friends with all of these people. Approximately 500 trillion times better than FML.
♥ Kusudama Tutorial. Coolest, easiest paper flowers ever.
♥ I have to mention that I am absolutely loving the weather in Louisiana this weekend. It has been so sunny and the temperature is starting to drop. It feels amazing. I think a nice cup of tea would be the perfect way to end it. :)
Friday, October 16, 2009
The next day the SNA president was wearing a really tight shirt and being a bouncer outside the lecture hall door When everyone was inside, he danced his way to his seat.
There was also something about pickles but I have no idea what.
I think I might need to stop studying so much before bed.
Then I ate a burrito (ha) while I wrote a paper on why marijuana should be legalized for my sociology class.
How is this now my life?
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
It is so odd to me that I somehow ended up choosing nursing as a major rather than biology. Growing up, when other little girls wanted to be ballerinas or teachers, I wanted to study frogs in Costa Rica. Even in my Anatomy and Physiology classes, when other people just wanted to pass, I always wanted to know the why and the how behind everything. My only regret about it is that we didn't have more time to spend studying those things. We talked about all the different cells or tissues as if they were some kind of alien things instead of part of us.
I'm not really sure what is making me nostalgic right now. I think it might be that my first round of clinicals are coming up in two weeks and I will be dealing with real live patients.
It is starting to freak me out a bit and I am
Saturday, September 26, 2009
♥ I love Hulu. Seriously. I don't ever have time to watch TV shows during the week. I am either too busy studying or too tired to remember when they come on. Now I can watch Mercy, Bones, and Flashforward whenever I take a study break. Awesome.
♥ I have Lady GaGa's "Paparazzi" stuck in my head, I just watched the video on Youtube and I just have one question...Are those 3 blond guys the same ones from Daisy of Love?
♥ Firefly ♥
Monday, September 21, 2009
Seriously. It was great. Parts of it were a little melodramatic but over all, I loved it.
I should probably be careful because this was the second Oprah book club book I have read that I really likes (the first was the Poisonwood Bible). Next thing you know, I will be wearing pink sweaters and yo-yo dieting.
My partner is a guy I have known for about a year now. We were in A&P2 together and he is super smart. I don't know which worries me more: the fact that he will see way more of me than I want him to (and probably more than he wants to see) or how stupid I will look in comparison to him.
I don't think I will have a problem with doing physical assessments on actual patients but on my classmates? I have to see them the next day!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
- I passed my first nursing exam. 83.6%. It's not an A (it's actually a high C....weird grading scale) but I'll take it.
- I also passed my vital signs check-off. What out world! I can take your blood pressure and your resperation rate! (I also know that your O2 sats. should be >90% on room air).
- Care plans are the work of the devil.
- The workers at the Barnes and Noble at Perkins Rowe are not very helpful...or friendly. Maybe it's just the way they are but, no matter, I won't buy from there again.
- My usually 3.5 hours of sleep a night just isn't cutting it any more.
- There are a few of my classmates that I am absolutely in love with...and a few I'd much rather to have never met. More on that later. :)
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Some nights, I'm full. I'm hard not to notice...full of personality and light (stolen from the sun, of course, but why ruin a good thing?).
But some nights, I am simply a shadow, a dark spot that blocks out the stars.
In other words, I have been feeling so goddamn bipolar lately. This shit fucking sucks.
It is not my feminist declaration nor is it a political statement about the importance of population control.
I simply think that I would be an awful mother.
When I imagine all the ways it could be, it starts so lovely. A beautiful child...maybe a girl...with dirty blond hair and eyes like emeralds with a quiet curiosity about everything. She'll be smart...but what parent has ever thought of their child as average or even *gasp* anything other than an Einstein in the making. She'll be articulate, even at a young age, and charming. But she would also have empathy. She would see something that was wrong and want to fix it...she might grow up to become an environmental activist or a advocate for human rights.
I suppose this is the first problem in my "plan."
Children don't grow up to be what you want them to be. I can't pick what personality traits they have or what flaws of mine they inherit. What if I have a child and he or she inherits my nose, or abundance of earwax or my cornucopia of mental neurosis? Would I love my child any less if, instead of the new unique life I wanted to create, I ended up with just a tiny version of me?
I think this is my second fear.
What if I don't love my child?
What if motherhood turns me into a bitter monster that makes me hate my husband (and all men) and ruins our relationship, which in turn make me regret my child? What if motherhood makes me insane?
I don't want to end up one of those woman on the 10pm news that shot her husband in his sleep and then drown her children in the bathtub, all while telling everyone God told her to do it.
I know I don't owe anyone an explanation as to my personal choices. I suppose this post is more for me than anyone else...a visualisation of my thoughts for this moment in time.
I might feel differently tomorrow.
I think I just had a flashforward of what my life may look like in a few short years.
After I graduate, I am hitting the road.
I have to get out of Louisiana. I HAVE TO. This place is going to destroy my soul. By some miracle, I have managed to avoid it for 21 years but now it seems like a time bomb will explode at any moment, rendering me a smoldering pile of ashes. And I will not arise a gorgeous phoenix; but merely an uninspired, listless, hollow vesicle; looking for a man to fill my time.
I WILL NOT end up married to one of my cousin's church friends; one that still finds it social acceptable to use the "n" word and believes that a woman's only good for "makin' babies" and doing the dishes. I will not go to church with him as a smiling Stepford wife, knowing that he is cheating on me as I bake apple pies with his mother, who I secretly despise. I will not birth his children, spoiled brats that scream in the store when I won't buy them another toy truck.
I am not settling for this life...this life without passion or art or true love.
I will not settle for a life without Paris or jazz music.
I am not settling. I will not settle.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
I know, I know. I have been terribly neglectful of all of you. If you were children and I was your crack whore mother, the state would take you away from me.
(Please don't hold me responsible for the previous analogy. I am tired and slightly delirious.)
The semester stated two weeks ago and it is starting to get pretty intense. We have our first nursing exam this week and I have assignments in both my sociology class. Here is my course list for this semester:
- Nursing Fundamentals
- Introduction to Sociology
- Contemporary Social Problems
As nice at it is to have only three classes this semester, the Nursing Fundamentals class is 6 credit hours (translates into 10 contact hours) plus an addition 3 hours in the practice lab (which we schedule on our own time). Yikes.
And my song of the moment: Click Here for 40's-style Jazzy Goodness
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Is it naive of me to be completely excited?
I had orientation on Friday and a couple of second year students came to talk to us about the program. One of them said that getting into the program was the easy part.
This might be a little harder than I thought.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
My bank account is screaming for mercy. The savings account is in quite a sad state as well. Let's pray no major disasters happen and mid-September (when loan and scholarship payments are issued) gets here fast.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
- Seeing my sister and nephews this past weekend
- Harry Potter books (I'm on the 4th one)
- Looking forward to spending this weekend at my aunt's place
- Silly Internet caption photos, as evident from this post.
- All the new friends I made in Microbiology this summer
- Starting the nursing program is less than 2 weeks
- Smooth Away. Yeah. It actually works.
- (Finally) Washing my makeup brushes
- Nursing textbooks
- Financial aid
- Trident Splash gum in Peppermint Swirl [yum]
- Essence of Beauty makeup brushes
- My new watch with a second hand and military time.
- Passing all my summer classes (2 A's and a B)
- Mom's boyfriend buying me a Juniper Bonsai tree
- New school supplies
- Vaseline Healing Hand Cream (best lotion ever)
- The dictionary app on my Ipod Touch
- My planner
- Quesadilla Explosion salad and Strawberry lemonade from Chili's
Friday, July 10, 2009
Thursday, July 02, 2009
While we were at lunch on Father's day, I told him that I didn't want to be corny but, I loved and appreciated him for being there for my mother and I (my whole family, actually) over the past 5 years since my dad has been gone.
That was the last time I talked to him.
I will miss him so much.
But I know how he felt about it and he wanted the people he left behind to celebrate his life, instead of cry over losing him (which, by no means, has made me stop crying).
Just yesterday I saw some photos on my laptop of our trip to Pensacola before the summer semester started and I thought, "Damn, I need to send those to him."
I can't help but smile when I think about the times we all spent together and the inside jokes we shared. I will never be able to hear the Guns'N'Rose's song "Sweet Child of Mine" without remembering it being sung by a blonde lesbian rock band at 1am in a skanky beach bar while he danced under the blacklight with members of a wedding party half his age.
Or him taking mom and I to Harrah's in New Orleans the week after my 21st birthday and then buying us shots at Mango Mango (the evidences of which is still on his Myspace page).
Thank you for always being there just at the right moment. For the late night Chinese food and the movies. For not judging me when I laughed so hard, I cried at Tropic Thunder. For answering your phone anytime day or night, and showing up even when you felt like absolute hell.
For being a muched needed distraction. And a designated driver.
Thank you for inspiring me to be a kinder, more forgiving person.
I wish I could have been there with you in your final moments to say goodbye. But I think in my own way, I already did.
My only regret is that you won't be there to see mom and I graduate from nursing school. But we will carry you in our hearts, no matter where the road takes us.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
But I'm okay.
It was a good day. I had a few tears this morning but it was fine. To be perfectly honest, this whole weekend they have been catching me by surprise.
A very dear family friend took us to see Year One [which was just dumb, by the way. I mean, I can laugh at a dumb comedy, like Tropic Thunder, which I loved. But this was awful...2 stars...at the most...and that was only because of Michael Cera's observational humor] and then to dinner. Aside from my brother throwing a fit and cursing me out in the restaurant for telling the bartender that he is only 18 and, therefore, can't legally be served alcohol, it was a nice time.
Part of me knows that my dad wouldn't want me to be crying about him every holiday. But I'm not crying FOR him. I know he is happy were he is now. It may be selfish but I'm crying for me and all the time I have lost with him. It just feels like so many things were left undone. I guess it has just been especially hard lately because I wanted him to be here with me and to see how far I have come from were I was to now.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Okay, now that I have calmed down, I can actually write.
It is not actually "official" yet. The wording on the letter says, "You have been tentatively accepted into the Associates of Science in Nursing Degree Program at [Firefly's college], pending approval by the Louisiana State Board of Nursing."
Basically, that means, over the course of the next week and a half, I have to:
- Sign and hand deliver the confirmation letter
- Pay the LSBN $20 to even consider letting me near a human as a student nurse
- Submit a disclosure form saying I am not a sociopath or a criminal
- Get fingerprinted by the police and submit that the nursing coordinators (the same lady who said I would have "plenty" of time to finish all this)
- Pay the Louisiana Department of Public Safety $42.25 to preform a background check.
Did I also mention that the 6 week courses start on Monday, and that I will be in classes four days a week, all day?
Well, at least uniforms don't have to be bought until July 17 and the CPR certification, drug screening, physical and professional liability insurance can wait until July 31.
Again, what have I gotten myself into?
Friday, June 12, 2009
Sunday, June 07, 2009
It feels like I am at the edge of something huge. It is exhilarating and terrifying at the same time that something as simple as a letter in the mail has the power to change the course of my life.
Part of me wants this more than anything. I want to walk with a purpose and the knowledge that can help save some one's life. I want to sign my name followed by RN. I want to have a degree that is VALUABLE and in demand and that I can take anywhere and get a job.
But there is another part too. A tiny voice in the back of my mind that keeps whispering, "Do you really think you can handle this?" And the truth is that I just don't know if I can.
How pathetic is that? That I haven't even started yet and I already sound like I am ready to take myself out of the game just because I am scared.
I have busted my ass for the past two years on the prereqs for this. I have dealt with the hurricanes and mom's abusive boyfriend and I have still end up with a 3.89 GPA and three semesters on the Dean's list, and yet I feel completely unprepared for what the future has in store for me.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
- Last test and a Final project and essay for NonWestern Art.
- Four final essays for NonWestern Humanities (thank God they are not due until the 18th).
- Lecture exam #6, Disorder and Insight quiz and Final exam in A&P2.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Vagina. Vagina. Vagina.
[Bonus points if you know what movie this is reference to. Hint: It's Varsity Blues]
That's right everyone. After a year and a half of anatomy classes, we are finally going to be studying sexual reproduction.
I'll finally learn where babies come from.
[Apparently, storks don't actually bring them...nor are they found in a cabbage patch.]
By the way, "seminiferous tubules."
That is all.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
My 21st birthday is in 20 days...May 10 for those among us who are unable to preform simple addition due to Internet induced brain rot. I'm not particularly exciting about it. I don't drink very much so that isn't really a huge incentive for me.
The number (21) just makes me feel so.........stifiled.....stagneant. Something like that. I can't help but look at the people I went to school with and to see how far removed they are from what they use to be in high school. They have joined the military or are so close to graduating with bachelor's degrees or have even gotten married and started families. I'm just not there....not even close to any of that.
Sometimes I think that all I have to show for the time I have been away from them is a panic disorder and an extensive knowledge of the side effects of psychiatric medications.
It feels like I am waiting for my life to actually start. How stupid is that? I know that life is here and now and is happening around me all the time but it is like I am just watching everyone else and not actually DOING anything important. I mean, all over the world, babies are being born and people are dying and some are falling in and out of love or traveling or writing novels or saving sea gulls from oil spills or just doing something important with their time and energy. And all I am doing is sitting here bitching about how tired I am of waiting.
Waiting for what?
I don't know. A sign, a letter, a person. Just something to show me that all that I do isn't just a big waste of time.
Because, right now, it just feels like there isn't any light at the end of this tunnel.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
- That's Not My Name - The Ting Tings.
- You Found Me - The Fray
- Gives You Hell - All American Rejects
- 1, 2, 3, 4 - Plain White T's
- Peroxide Swing - Michael Buble ♥
- So Close, So Far - Hoobastank
- Not Meant To Be - Theory of a Dead Man
- Lucky - Jason Mraz and Colbie Callait
- Decode - Paramore
Friday, April 17, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Reading Comprehension 87%
Critical Thinking 860/1000
My average was 91.8%. I know a girl that got into the nursing program with a 85% but she also had a A in Anatomy &Physiology 1, while I only have a B. And from the rumors I have heard, the A&P grade is weighted pretty heavily.
All I know is that it will basically be a waiting game until mid-June, when the school sends out the letters.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Saturday, February 07, 2009
And tell him that I've missed him
And tell him all about the man that I became
And hope that it pleased him
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Fresh mint is awesome. It tastes good and it makes me want to find someone to make out with so that my good smelling breath isn't wasted. Aaaaa.
But cool mint is the work of the devil. It taste as if a bunch of zookeepers started feeding koalas mint leaves and then packaging the minty koala shit to sell as toothpaste.
So, let's recap:
Fresh mint: Sexy make out inducing freshness.
Cool mint: Nasty satanic koala shit.