Sunday, June 07, 2009

At the Edge

Nursing school letters should arrive sometime next week and I wanted to write this before I received mine; just to document my feeling regardless of whether I am accepted or not.
It feels like I am at the edge of something huge. It is exhilarating and terrifying at the same time that something as simple as a letter in the mail has the power to change the course of my life.
Part of me wants this more than anything. I want to walk with a purpose and the knowledge that can help save some one's life. I want to sign my name followed by RN. I want to have a degree that is VALUABLE and in demand and that I can take anywhere and get a job.
But there is another part too. A tiny voice in the back of my mind that keeps whispering, "Do you really think you can handle this?" And the truth is that I just don't know if I can.
How pathetic is that? That I haven't even started yet and I already sound like I am ready to take myself out of the game just because I am scared.

I have busted my ass for the past two years on the prereqs for this. I have dealt with the hurricanes and mom's abusive boyfriend and I have still end up with a 3.89 GPA and three semesters on the Dean's list, and yet I feel completely unprepared for what the future has in store for me.

4 comments:

Mikhail said...

I know how thats going, although I'm nowhere near at the level that you're going. I'm doing an internship right now that is somewhat outlining part of the job I'd like to have in future. In a year its reality no longer just a tryout.

Jordan said...

Ah you'll be fine. Even though in reality I don't know you from Adam, I have faith in you. And I don't even have faith in myself, so that is saying something. Good luck firefly.

Firefly said...

Jordan,
I was thinking of something clever to say back to you (most likely about how much cooler I am than that lame fucker Adam) when I realized that you probably know me better than most of the people I know in "real life". How messed up is that?
But thanks for the vote of confidence. :)

Jordan said...

Excuse me firefly, but Adam was in the bible. Now, I've never read the bible because I'm a catholic and we don't have to, but I'm prety sure he didn't even have to go to nursing school, so there. Also that other thing is kind of messed up, you need to open up.