Sunday, September 06, 2009

All the Things I Have Never Wanted

I think I just had a flashforward of what my life may look like in a few short years.
After I graduate, I am hitting the road.
I have to get out of Louisiana. I HAVE TO. This place is going to destroy my soul. By some miracle, I have managed to avoid it for 21 years but now it seems like a time bomb will explode at any moment, rendering me a smoldering pile of ashes. And I will not arise a gorgeous phoenix; but merely an uninspired, listless, hollow vesicle; looking for a man to fill my time.
I WILL NOT end up married to one of my cousin's church friends; one that still finds it social acceptable to use the "n" word and believes that a woman's only good for "makin' babies" and doing the dishes. I will not go to church with him as a smiling Stepford wife, knowing that he is cheating on me as I bake apple pies with his mother, who I secretly despise. I will not birth his children, spoiled brats that scream in the store when I won't buy them another toy truck.
I am not settling for this life...this life without passion or art or true love.
I will not settle for a life without Paris or jazz music.
I am not settling. I will not settle.

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