- When I am as old as you, I pray to God in heaven that I am not nearly as bitter. I am so sorry that you hate everything and everyone. And I am especially sorry that you feel this uncontrollable desire to tell me all about it. Might I suggest you try medication?
- When you ask me what I made on a test and I say, "I passed," that is not an invitation to seek more information. It is none of your business and the only reason you want to know is so that you can either A) Gloat about making a high grade or B) Talk shit about me to your friends about how I have no social life and spend all my time studying. Either way, fuck you.
- You are a crazy bitch and I love you for it. I am so glad you and I are in the same group because, when the shit hits the fan, you're the girl I want on my side.
- The thought of you being a nurse and actually taking care of another human being fucking terrifies me. I wouldn't trust you with a goldfish and the instructors are actually going to let you give shots?!?
- You have no idea how much easier it is being in the nursing skills lab at 8am when I see you are there. I like you. I mean, I really like you. And I want to tell you but I think I might scare you away. Plus, I want you to teach me to play Halo.
- You needed to be screened for dementia. I mean this it all seriousness because it worries me that you are teaching us. Plus, you scare the shit out of everyone.
- Screw what your in-laws say. They suck and everyone knows you are a great mom. ;-)
[I might start doing this kind of post regularly. What do you think?]