Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Don't Take Any of Them Home with You and more Lessons from the Psych Wards

Over the past few weeks, I have been attending my mental health clinical rotation. Here's what I have learned:
  • Correcting a nurse by telling them that their "patient isn't crazy, they are sanity-challenged" will get you labeled as a smart-ass.
  • Asking someone who is residing at a mental illness hospital "What are you in for?" is a very, very bad idea because A) they will tell you they either raped their sister or murdered their next door neighbor with a hatchet and B) it will most likely be considered untheraputic communication by your instructor and she will give you a sad face on your evaluation for the day.
  • Talking about drinking games at a chemical dependency unit is another bad idea...even if you patient is your age and she brought it up. ("High card! Take a shot!")
  • Don't call the teens on the adolescent wing "moody little fuckers" under your breath because they have hearing like bats.
  • But if you do, and they tattle on you, it's okay. Because those moody little fuckers lie all the damn time and no one believes them anyway.
  • Trying to focus on the movie "Shutter Island" enough so that you don't sound semi-retarded when discussing it in the group sessions is very difficult when you have been drinking Crown Royal out of a water bottle (straight, bitches. Because we nursing students get down like that.)

But in all seriousness, the past few weeks have been a very enlightening experience. It seems like one of those "But for the grace of God, there go I" types of things.


Jordan said...

This post makes you sound like a drunk. I think it's my favorite one.

Firefly said...

I am so glad my hangovers amuse you. :-)
You know what is the worst thing about this, Jordan? I didn't even drink before nursing school. Hated the stuff. Now it seems like boozing it up with my classmates and making bad choices get me through the week.

Jordan said...

I always made fun of those thirty somethings, that got so excited about "opening up a bottle of wine" after work. Actually I still make fun of them, but I can kind of see where their coming from. I don't drink....very often so I guess it's never become like a stress reliever for me.