Sunday, May 09, 2010

Damaged Goods

I believe that Catholics would call what i am having right now a crisis of faith.
It goes deeper than that even though I was always told that out faith is the root of who we are.
I am having a crisis of self.
Everything I ever wanted, everything I ever believed to be true about who I am and what I am capable of is fading away right before my eyes.
The sex and the alcohol and the textbooks that have been my life and coping for the past few months are breaking me. And do you the worst part about it? All I can think about while I am hyperventilating from the second panic attack that I have had in the past 24 hours is hypercapnia....a build up of CO2 in the blood.
How fucking pathetic is that?

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