Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Blog You vs Real Life You

hello doves

For the past few weeks, this topic has been weighing on my mind and heart and I would love to hear your opinion on it.

I have always viewed this blog as an outlet. A place for me and my thoughts and the select few that happen upon them. Through its many incarnations and reincarnations, the majority of the people in my real life have known nothing about it.
In fact, as I think about it now, the only person that truly knows "Blog Firefly" and "Real life Firely" is my sister. Sure, my all-time favorite blogger/soul mate, Jordan, is my friend on Facebook but he has never really met me before [probably a good thing because my lust for him is barely containable. ;-)....also because I am not nearly as clever and fabulous in real life].

Part of my loves the anonymity. I love that a casual acquaintance [hell, even WhatsHisName] could stumble upon this page, read every post I have ever made, and still not be totally sure it was me making them. I love the safety of it, the security of knowing that I could hide in plain sight, if need be. But my fear is that, one day, someone I know will find this blog and they will know it is me. And then all my dirty little secrets will be out. Every fuck up. Every sin. Every late night entry that I made without truly thinking about it will come back to haunt me.

But part of me....part of me is insanely jealous of some of you. How you are. How you don't hide behind fake monikers or profile pictures. How you use your real name and the names of the people in you life that you care about. It makes you so real.
More real than I could ever hope this blog to be.
I am not saying this blog is fake. Not by a long shot. In fact, I view this blog as more than just an extension of me. My thoughts and personality x1o because there is no worry of criticism from the people I have to see every day.
That part of me desperately wants to be 100% with all of you. I want to post my name and photos of me in my awful school-mandated scrubs because, honestly, words do not do those suckers justice. I want to be real with you. But I have been "Firefly" for so long, I am not sure if I know how to be me anymore.


Talk to me, my beloveds. Tell me who you are.
If you blog, how much of your life so you put out there? What do you hold back? Why?
How is "Blog you" different (or similar) to "Real-life you?"

10 comments:

Jordan said...

Even with your uncontainable lust for me, you might not know that Postarita is not my first blog. I used to not be as open as I am now. I posted for years under monikers, and aliases, because I was afraid of the consequences. That was in high school, and most of the people I ended up writing about usually ended up finding out anyways. It didn't end well. So now my policy is to be completely honest about who I am, but to never post anything that I wouldn't say out loud. Which isn't that hard, because I'll say almost anything out loud.

Matthew Emmert said...

f~

i use my name/photo i've posted my address/phone number...friend's phone numbers...tons of secrets...people talking behind other peoples backs...the worst. i'm 95 percent sure its because i am a self centered narcissist. haha. but i don't think its a bad thing. and its weird, every single post i've written had a person or a group of people it was meant to be read by, even if i know the chance of them reading it is minuscule. it might be cheesy, but thinking about it, its like a form of therapy.

~m

Matthew Emmert said...

ps...and being honest has kicked me in the ass, far too many times to count.

Jonathan said...

Since MySpace and Facebook came along, a lot more of my family have a presence on the internet now than before. My rule of thumb is, if I wouldn't say something to a member of my family's face, I don't post it. I find it enjoyable even though I'm somewhat censoring myself. Some secrets should be kept for close friends anyway, in my opinion.

CaLLie.ANN said...

I'm always careful what I post and always wondering "What if they read this?" I constantly am censoring myself and it's frustrating. I admire you for you anonomynimity. ....I don't know how to spell that word.

Plus, the things I blog are pretty real and when someone disagrees or judges me for it, it makes me sad and makes blog land less fun.

Mikhail said...

everything I write is me, my stream of consciousness however I leave out names of other people most of the time. not that anyone I know will read it, but because the names don't matter all that much for the purposes of my blog.

Jessica said...

I envy the anonymity. I just posted recently that the unseen censorship weighs on me heavily. There is times I would like to write about the some of the asswipe people I encounter but at the same time, arguing with idiots is exhausting when all I wanted was an outlet. I agree with the first comment, I won't post anything I won't say and that is difficult because I tend to say EVERYTHING.
Enjoy your cover, sometimes exposure is really harsh. I know that it tends to make my posts much nicer than I am.

Estelle Darling [Formerly Firefly] said...

Thanks for all the input, everyone.
You guys are seriously awesome. :-)
xoxo
Estelle

flipflop guy said...

i think the blog me and the real me are the same. my blog can be out there sometimes as if. i just open a blank page and start writing as you can see lol. flipflop guy keeps it real. i dont use my real name for obvious reasons. many woman would stalk ultracool lol i wish. i use my cool name and ultracool alias to make my writing more entertaining however there is one point in each post that i write around but i think few get it.

ultracool flipflop guy

It's just me :) said...

I know this is a super old post but I had to comment anyways.

Blog me is the real me.

That doesn't mean the real me is neccessarily a fake. I am just more guarded in real life than I am on my blog. I have been hurt too many times in real life to be able to let things out the way I do on my blog and even there, I don't let it all out. There is still judgement. My feelings still get hurt.