Saturday, July 17, 2010

Textually Active: TMI

Or the post in which I go through my phone and post my most interesting incoming/outgoing text messages. Guess which is which. ;-)
  • "Omg. Slightly buzzed at Barnes and Noble. Security officer can tell. This will end badly."
  • "For the record, you are over 18, right?"
  • "Fucked up at 2pm. Feelin awesome. Totally wanna makeout with somebody."
  • "Implode. It's like explode...but toward the inside"
  • "You are suppose to be keeping me sane but you are doing a shitty job at it."
  • "Omg. Did I ever tell you i found out where *Ben* lives? Right next to the bar. Egging his truck if we ever go. Screw him and his fucking 'roommate'...that prick lied to me"
  • "Tell him to dye his hair and we will see what happens."
  • "Um......so what does his O face look like?"
  • "Wow. that had bad idea written all love it. Sounds like a blast though"
  • "So when you lose weight, the boobs are the first to go. Fuck. Now I have to find a guy who'll like me for my personality. This might be difficult."
  • "omg. there are going to be so many asians there"
  • "No. You're not sorry. You are happy its not you"
  • "So just looked at his facebook. All I have to ask is what the fuck is wrong with you? What would ever lead you to believe that would be a good match?"
  • "Yeah...sigh...and the worst part? The only reason we got together in the first place was because he reminded me of my ethics professor from last summer. So many levels of wrong. lmao"
  • "Not fair. I am living vicariously through your sex life until I get one of my own, remember? I need details."
  • "Text you later. Girls' only wine night is rapidly turning into a lesbian orgy....again."
  • "Should I send you the 'omg so sorry, I was drunk'-text now or tomorrow afternoon. Bc its all downhill from here."
  • "By the way, good luck getting fucked tonight"
  • "This must be how women feel right before they start having sex for money."
  • "So if I become a dominatrix and got my RN license, do you think I would be able to up my hourly rate? Because I would be more qualified or something?"
  • "Just fyi, you cannot name your vibrator 'Buzz' and go see Toy Story 3 without giggling uncontrollably throughout the movie."
  • "Good. Because if it came to blows, she could totally kick my ass. I might be big but I bruise easy and I can't take a punch."
  • "How does the nickname 'Gasm' strike you?"
  • "When I told him I was staying with you, he was like 'Oh, so is her husband going out of town?' I said 'No...but...um...he works during the day.' Didn't realize until we hung up that he thought we were going to hook up while your husband was gone, lol"
  • "The only exercise I do on a regular basis is Kegals."
  • "Still awake...X-scream is fucking amazing. Not only was the orgasm the best I have ever had but my vag totally smells like cake right now. I win."
  • "Tried on the outfit...wish your phone got picture messages....I would totally fuck me right now"
  • "dude....omg"
  • "You need to figure a way to get out of the house tomorrow night. We need booze and pool....and sex toys."
  • "Have I told you his penis is beautiful? Seriously, like a work of fucking art. I want to take a picture of it and have it as my phone background."
  • "OMGoodness. The trouble I have gotten into over the past month."
  • "I found home addresses for all three of them. Does my stalker side turn you on?"
  • "$4o for any piercing above the waist? Nipples too? Each? Do you think she would do them both for 40? You know...because my boobs are amazing"
  • "I just took 2 Midal with a shot of vodka. It is a typical Monday."
  • "Take pictures. Also, tell him to get a fucking grip because the girls are beating him. Still going strong, baby."
  • "No, it's not cute. It is fucking crazy. Not like 'oh-you-so-crazy' kinda crazy but 'belongs-in-a-padded-room-with-a-straight-jacket' kinda crazy"

3 comments:

Marlena said...

HAHAH this is quite possibly my favorite post. The best one: "This must be how women feel right before they start having sex for money". I can't even begin to imagine what was going on in that situation. Or the drunk at B&N one, oh to lead your life

Estelle Darling [Formerly Firefly] said...

Haha. It is probably my favorite post too. The B&N one actually happened last night. lol

Timothy Z Cognitor said...

I love New Orleans