I should be studying the bazillion chapters of assigned reading for this week. [Maybe not a bazillion...3 for Med-Surg and 6 for Maternal-Child]
I should be writing out page after page of notes.
I should be printing the 5000 (no joke) pages of information they have posted for us on Blackboard (anyone wanna contribute to my printer-ink-fund?).
I should be relearning my dosage calculations.
I should be practicing for my skills check offs (IV placement, push, and IVPB; Foley cath; NG tubes).
But I'm not.
Because I am sitting on the third floor of the library, listening to Shinedown, and trying not to cry or in any other way freak the fuck out. [Doing a stellar job of that, by the way]
When I am scared, I don't go into "fight or flight" mode. I freeze. I have no idea what to do right now.
We start OB and peds rotations next week. The thought of being in a delivery room right now with my limited amount of knowledge on the subject terrifies me. Deep down, I know that they would never put us in the position where we could actually hurt anyone but the little voice in the back of my head keeps yelling "You don't know anything! You are going to kill someone!"
I mean, we just started lecture this morning! How do they expect us to be able to talk intelligently with clients and medical personnel with what we know (essentially, nothing).
So my dear lovely readers, please send me your prayers and good vibrations from the universe. Burn some sage or light a candle. Do whatever it is that you do in the hopes that I will no totally lose it this semester.
Because it will not be an easy ride.