Friday, July 30, 2010
I ♥ all of you
But honestly, why does dating have to be so freaking difficult? Not just dating but even meeting passionate, funny, available individuals who share even some remotely similar interests?
Part of me is just saying 'Give it a rest, girl." I am seriously thinking about going back to my "no-dating" policy that I had when I first started school. I mean, I only have a year left. And it'll keep me from falling for anyone and getting my heart broken in the mean time (that sounds so ridiculously sad).
Why do I bring this up now? A guy who I really liked told me a month ago that he had just gotten out of a five year relationship and wasn't ready to get back into the dating scene yet when I asked him if he wanted to grab a drink sometime. Last night, he told me he had met someone and might be in love and if all goes right, is going to get married.
What??? But....I mean....you just said last month....WTF? I didn't say that, of course. I told him I was happy for him. I am...but I guess I'm kind of bummed out that he didn't give me a chance.
But, who know? He might have been a complete tool.
Thing will work out exactly the way they are suppose to. I just have to be patient.
By the way, If you were wondering what my lips taste like, I wear EOS honeysuckle honeydew lip balm. And it is, for lack of a better word, the bomb.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Hello my doves.
- I want a pet named *widget*. I don't know if it will be a rabbit or a turtle or a betta fish but it will be named Widget and he/she will be loved.
- Today was a rough day. I need to go to the doctor. Feels like things are starting to unravel again. Terrible, terrible timing.
- Even though today was rough, I am still thankful.
- Graduation is 290 days away. ♥
- Have I told you all lately how much I love you? You guys seriously make me smile. If any of you are ever couch surfing in south Louisiana, let me know. We'll listen to music that we would never admit to loving and bake brownies. It'll be a blast.
Good night. Sweetest dreams.
Dearest Cat: Thank you. Thank you for calling me Estelle during our conversation earlier. I wore a goofy smile on my face for several hours afterwards. I feel like I am not only becoming the person I am suppose to be but creating the woman I want to be. It makes me very happy that I can share this experience with you. I love you. :-)
I was a bit grumpy this morning.
I haven't been sleeping well the past two months and it seems that now I am starting to get sick (an ear/nose/throat thing...also my eyes are watering while I try to sleep which leaves me with lots of crusties when I wake up).
Grr. I let the dogs out this morning and looked out over the back yard....cloudy. Probably raining today. Just fabulous.
I stepped out onto the back patio and looked behind me over the house and this is what I saw:
It made me feel so much better. Interesting how just a few steps forward and a look in a different direction can change your outlook so rapidly.
Have a gorgeous day, darlings.
Monday, July 26, 2010
How I have missed you all.
I swear that me being out of touch was not intentional. I have been trying to write a post for this blog for the past week but I simply cannot get it to come out right. Because of that, my creative process has been nil.
But, Estelle, how much creativity does it take to repost pictures you stole from tumblr pages and write about you whoring it up with your girlfriends? STFU.
Oh a side note, I would like to say how much I love Facebook right now. Seriously. Stalking former classmates has never been easier. It also reminds me why we lost touch in the first place. And I get way too excited when I see some one's profile that I know in real life. It's like, "ZOMG! I did blow off your kitchen counter with your army buddy while my girlfriend gave you head in the bathroom! Let's be friends!"
Until next time my loves,
By the way, I don't do drugs. Yeah. Just wanted to put that out there.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
This is not a small dog.
So I started to say "buzzzzzzzzzz" (like a bee) and touch the dog on the tip of her ear.
Just to tease her.
The noise I was making tickled my tongue and I mentioned that to the girls. So they started making the buzzing noise too.
Then, I said "Hey, i wonder if anyone has ever thought to......nevermind," suddenly remembering who I was with.
My younger, not looking up from his game of Grand Theft Auto said, "Yeah, it's called a hummer for a reason."
1. I cannot believe I never made that connection before.
2. My younger brother is a fucking psychic.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Talked to mother dearest a few days ago.
We have a bit of an odd relationship. We use to be super close, telling each other everything. But then she started dating a guy who lives in Florida. She began spending every weekend over there and has been there pretty much all summer. So over the past year, we have drifted farther and farther apart.
I don't really want to get into it but I am somewhat less than pleased with the situation.
And you might say that a lot of the things that happened this year (the drinking and...um....other stuff) was my way of acting out. Because when I was a teenager, I never did any of those things.
Anyway, she kept asking if I would like to go to Florida with her. I told her I wasn't interested because I am not crazy about her boyfriend.
Well, then she confessed that there was a guy that her boyfriend works with that she thinks would be perfect for me.
I kind of went off on her, telling her that it feels as if none of my family has any confidence in my ability to date on my own without throwing their picks into the race [my cousin just tired to hook me up with someone he works with].
Then I slipped.
I said, the only good thing about their picks was that they were less likely to be married. [The situation with WhatsHisName was still fresh in my mind.]
She fired back with "Yeah, been there. Done that. Got the scars. And went back for more."
Beautiful. Thanks, mom.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
- "Omg. Slightly buzzed at Barnes and Noble. Security officer can tell. This will end badly."
- "For the record, you are over 18, right?"
- "Fucked up at 2pm. Feelin awesome. Totally wanna makeout with somebody."
- "Implode. It's like explode...but toward the inside"
- "You are suppose to be keeping me sane but you are doing a shitty job at it."
- "Omg. Did I ever tell you i found out where *Ben* lives? Right next to the bar. Egging his truck if we ever go. Screw him and his fucking 'roommate'...that prick lied to me"
- "Tell him to dye his hair and we will see what happens."
- "Um......so what does his O face look like?"
- "Wow. that had bad idea written all love it. Sounds like a blast though"
- "So when you lose weight, the boobs are the first to go. Fuck. Now I have to find a guy who'll like me for my personality. This might be difficult."
- "omg. there are going to be so many asians there"
- "No. You're not sorry. You are happy its not you"
- "So just looked at his facebook. All I have to ask is what the fuck is wrong with you? What would ever lead you to believe that would be a good match?"
- "Yeah...sigh...and the worst part? The only reason we got together in the first place was because he reminded me of my ethics professor from last summer. So many levels of wrong. lmao"
- "Not fair. I am living vicariously through your sex life until I get one of my own, remember? I need details."
- "Text you later. Girls' only wine night is rapidly turning into a lesbian orgy....again."
- "Should I send you the 'omg so sorry, I was drunk'-text now or tomorrow afternoon. Bc its all downhill from here."
- "By the way, good luck getting fucked tonight"
- "This must be how women feel right before they start having sex for money."
- "So if I become a dominatrix and got my RN license, do you think I would be able to up my hourly rate? Because I would be more qualified or something?"
- "Just fyi, you cannot name your vibrator 'Buzz' and go see Toy Story 3 without giggling uncontrollably throughout the movie."
- "Good. Because if it came to blows, she could totally kick my ass. I might be big but I bruise easy and I can't take a punch."
- "How does the nickname 'Gasm' strike you?"
- "When I told him I was staying with you, he was like 'Oh, so is her husband going out of town?' I said 'No...but...um...he works during the day.' Didn't realize until we hung up that he thought we were going to hook up while your husband was gone, lol"
- "The only exercise I do on a regular basis is Kegals."
- "Still awake...X-scream is fucking amazing. Not only was the orgasm the best I have ever had but my vag totally smells like cake right now. I win."
- "Tried on the outfit...wish your phone got picture messages....I would totally fuck me right now"
- "You need to figure a way to get out of the house tomorrow night. We need booze and pool....and sex toys."
- "Have I told you his penis is beautiful? Seriously, like a work of fucking art. I want to take a picture of it and have it as my phone background."
- "OMGoodness. The trouble I have gotten into over the past month."
- "I found home addresses for all three of them. Does my stalker side turn you on?"
- "$4o for any piercing above the waist? Nipples too? Each? Do you think she would do them both for 40? You know...because my boobs are amazing"
- "I just took 2 Midal with a shot of vodka. It is a typical Monday."
- "Take pictures. Also, tell him to get a fucking grip because the girls are beating him. Still going strong, baby."
- "No, it's not cute. It is fucking crazy. Not like 'oh-you-so-crazy' kinda crazy but 'belongs-in-a-padded-room-with-a-straight-jacket' kinda crazy"
I know how much you all love these quickies
care for another?
- As you might have noticed, I changed my name. It is a step in a new direction. If it is the right direction, I don't know, but it will be interesting to find out.
- I called my dog "whore" yesterday morning and she came running. I am not sure if I should be proud that she learned this on her own or to feel sorry for her because it means she might be retarded. I want to test my theory by calling her "refrigerator" but I don't want to kill my own buzz....by being a buzzkill.
- I promised myself I would spend part of this summer reviewing notes from Fundamentals and Adult 1 and getting a head start on the reading for next semester but, honestly, I have not done anything. Classes start in 30 days. opps. No time like the present, right?
- BritBrit straightened my hair for me yesterday afternoon and I can honestly say i am not feeling it. When I was younger, I wanted straight hair (a la Jennifer Aniston) instead of my waves. But now, I love my hair. It is wavy and slightly uncontrollable but it gives me a 'wild child' look that I think is kind of sexy.
- A cuttlefish in no way looks like a vagina. I just want to put that out there because there seems to be some confusion on the subject...at least with the stoners I hang out with. I showed a girlfriend a picture of a cuttlefish and said "what is the first word that comes to mind when you see this?" I was looking for "cute" or "ugly" but no. She busted out with "vagina." Wow. This girl can vote now. Be scared.
- I haven't seen my partner-in-crime for almost three weeks. It is seriously breaking my heart and I miss her so much. She has had some issues with her family come up and I am giving her some time and space to deal with them. Hopefully, things will settle down next week and we can get together.
- God and I are back on speaking terms. It is nice. Like catching up with an old friend after not seeing each other in a while. I've missed that.
Until next time.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Maybe it is the raging hormones
Maybe it is being on the rebound (yep. me and WhatsHisName won't be seeing each other again. He's married. As awesome as he is, there are certain lines I cannot cross. But can I pick 'em or what?)
Maybe it is the fact that I am bipolar and in a manic state and feeling hypersexual right now
But all of a sudden, my younger brother's friends are looking quite grown-up. You have no idea how dirty I feel saying that.
They are all 19 and 20, too cute for words, and spend too much time here at my house...usually shirtless.
But don't worry, my loves.
I have a "look but don't touch" policy with them. So I'll just smile and enjoy the view.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
It seems that the past few weeks, i have had the truly awful habit of waking up an obscenely early times. Like 4am. Yeah.
The most interesting thing happens at 4am. My mind is often the clearest it is all day. Probably because I can can think about is "&%!&* GO BACK TO SLEEP $#(^@&"
But this morning, something occurred to me.
In less than a year, I will be a nurse. [If all goes according to plan]
Three courses: Maternal-child nursing, and Adult Nursing 2 & 3.
20 credit hours.
Not bad for a girl who did this on a whim.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
care to dance with me?
- I found my karaoke song. "Best Days of Your Life" by Kellie Pickler. It is just the right amount of country girly angst and badass-ness. Totally fab. I mean, don't get me wrong, if I actually do ever sing karaoke (highly unlikely without massive amounts of booze first), I would probably butcher the hell out of this song.
- I tried the new pretzel m&ms. wow. it was like an orgasm with chocolate and salt and crunch. Yum to the 10th power. At least.
- I want a tattoo on my left wrist that says "expecto patronum" in white ink. I just do.
For the past few weeks, this topic has been weighing on my mind and heart and I would love to hear your opinion on it.
I have always viewed this blog as an outlet. A place for me and my thoughts and the select few that happen upon them. Through its many incarnations and reincarnations, the majority of the people in my real life have known nothing about it.
In fact, as I think about it now, the only person that truly knows "Blog Firefly" and "Real life Firely" is my sister. Sure, my all-time favorite blogger/soul mate, Jordan, is my friend on Facebook but he has never really met me before [probably a good thing because my lust for him is barely containable. ;-)....also because I am not nearly as clever and fabulous in real life].
Part of my loves the anonymity. I love that a casual acquaintance [hell, even WhatsHisName] could stumble upon this page, read every post I have ever made, and still not be totally sure it was me making them. I love the safety of it, the security of knowing that I could hide in plain sight, if need be. But my fear is that, one day, someone I know will find this blog and they will know it is me. And then all my dirty little secrets will be out. Every fuck up. Every sin. Every late night entry that I made without truly thinking about it will come back to haunt me.
But part of me....part of me is insanely jealous of some of you. How you are. How you don't hide behind fake monikers or profile pictures. How you use your real name and the names of the people in you life that you care about. It makes you so real.
More real than I could ever hope this blog to be.
I am not saying this blog is fake. Not by a long shot. In fact, I view this blog as more than just an extension of me. My thoughts and personality x1o because there is no worry of criticism from the people I have to see every day.
That part of me desperately wants to be 100% with all of you. I want to post my name and photos of me in my awful school-mandated scrubs because, honestly, words do not do those suckers justice. I want to be real with you. But I have been "Firefly" for so long, I am not sure if I know how to be me anymore.
Talk to me, my beloveds. Tell me who you are.
If you blog, how much of your life so you put out there? What do you hold back? Why?
How is "Blog you" different (or similar) to "Real-life you?"
Monday, July 12, 2010
Do you all remember this little gem of a post? The one about my beloved Palm Centro and how it has been acting up lately? How it had the annoying habit of sometimes sending the text to the wrong person?
I should apologize to my phone for that.
Because I screwed up last night.
The text screw-up to end all other screw-ups.
And the phone was not to blame at all.
This is what I get for having too many friends with the first name that starts with J.
It all started when I had a dream about a very good friend of mine. A sex dream. It would have been awkward but this friend happens to be gay so it was just various shades of amusing imagining how he would react to it when I told him about it.
So we were chatting via text message the other night when I told him about the dream and types up this little message:
"Babe, I offered you a 3some and you told me I was going to hell for tempting your faith. You called me an hour later to say that Jesus cockblocked you and you were sorry. It was a one time offer, darling. Haha."
And then I hit send, giggling to myself about how I would love to see his face when he read it.
And that was when I realized, it went to the wrong person.
Oh, no. Please, dear all that is good, no.
The worst part? It went to a classmate of mine. A male classmate. One who didn't believe for a second the text was in reference to a dream.
Fall semester starts in less than 5 weeks. Wish me luck looking this guy in the eyes without blushing too hard next time I see him.
It is so very good to speak with you all again
How I have missed you
First off, hello to Jonathan (you are totally rocking the shaved head, doll), Callie (love the new tat!), and Chloe (thanks for the link, sweetheart)
Welcome to Word Lust. ^_^
So as you all know from my last post, I spent the fourth way out in the country with a few members of my extended family. It all went well except for an incident on the last day of my visit. Basically, my aunt found it necessary to tell my cousin about a post I made on Facebook one day while I was bored. I said that I wasn't sure if I should get a tattoo or a tongue ring. I meant the tongue ring part as a joke but she took it literally and started asking other members of my family their opinions on the subject.
So every one was asking me why I would want to do that to my body and if I knew what having a tongue ring meant. I, of course, being the oh-so-sweet-and-innocent dove that I am, lied and said I hadn't a clue about what it means. ;-)
So thank you, Aunt I, for trying to make me the BJ-loving whore of the 4th of July. Love ya too.
I don't know what it is about being so far away from the city that makes people feel the irresistible urge to gossip. Honestly. I will never understand it and I almost don't want to. If I wanted someone to know something about me, good or bad, I would tell them myself.
So I did the only thing I could think of in such a situation: I defriended my Aunt from Facebook. That'll show her.
Friday, July 02, 2010
[Isn't that the cutest expression? Turtle doves....it has something to do with devoted love. And I totally love all of you. You guys rock my socks. :-)]
So, anyway, I am staying with my aunt for the fourth of July weekend. She lives way out in the country. Like, way out. I don't even think her town has a Walmart. Yeah.
I got here yesterday and spent s0me time with my cousin, his wife, and her family. They were all making dinner together and talking and laughing and then we played board games. And there was no drinking or swearing. It was so weird, seeing a family that wasn't totally dysfunctional. It's not really what I am used to. Not bad, just different. ;-)
The real reason I am telling you all that I am out in no-man's-land is to say that the internet is highly unpredictable and that I might not be able to post much over the next few days (as if I actually post every day...ha). So if you need your daily fix of me, Twitter link is in the sidebar.
You won't regret it. Or maybe you will. I'm not sure. But I guarantee you won't regret it as much as that time you had 10 shots of tequila to celebrate Cinco de Mayo (Viva la Mexico!); get your ass handed to you in pool because you could no longer tell which ball you were suppose to be aiming for; made out with your best [girl] friend in the middle of downtown BR at 2am; and then had to go to your clinical nursing evaluation still drunk from the night before, praying your quickie shower did its job and that you don't smell like sex and limes. Yeah, not that much regret by a long shot.