Monday, September 27, 2010

I have got to stop getting guys' numbers when I have been drinking.
Apparently, I have a whole group in my phone under the catagory of "Possible drunken mistake" and ones that I should call under the influence of "Whiskey Goggles ONLY."
Ugh.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Frisky Friday - Pierced

Honestly, other than the very first week that I started this, have I ever posted a "Frisky Friday" on a Friday?!?!
Whatever. Frisky Friday/Slutty Saturday. ;-)

Source: ♥♥♥

While killing some time on one of my favorite naughty websites, Sexis, I discovered this amazing 3-part interview. Enjoy, my loves. :-)
The Sexis Interview: Mistress Mine, Part One—Birth of a Dominatrix
The Sexis Interview: Mistress Mine, Part Two—The Joy of Pain
The Sexis Interview: Mistress Mine, Part Three—Nuts and Bolts, Whips and Chains

On a more personal note, I bit the bullet and got my nipples pierced. It is probably the best decision I have made since I started drinking during weekdays. But seriously, they are awesome. I mean, my boobs were pretty damn good before but this just puts them on a whole new level.
xoxo
Estelle

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Words With Friends

Jordan: This is Estelle, right? Also, did you really play "semen"?
Estelle: Lmao. Yes. This is Estelle and I did really just play "semen."

In my defence, it was a triple word score. And, if given half a chance, who wouldn't play that?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Oh, penis problems

Hello my loves
Currently sitting in the library at the college, avoiding my textbooks like they are the plague.
Let me tell you a story.

I overslept this morning (but only slightly). I arrived at my 0730 class at 0740 and guess what? The lecture hall door was locked. yep. Fan-fucking-tastic. This is just one of the many things that bother me about my Adult Nursing 2 professor but I am hesitant to talk about them, lest they come back around and bite me in the ass.
Because i was locked out of the classroom, I had a good hour to kill before they class took a break and I could saunter in fashionably late. I did not put that hour to very good use (mostly Facebook and Words With Friends).
So, an hour goes by (blah blah blah).
I go into the lecture hall, get a hug from one of my favorite male nurses, and settle in for what I believe to be a boring lecture.
Oh, how wrong I was.
The title: "Male Reproductive Problems" or as I like to call it, "Way more dick problems than you will ever want to know able"
I walked in just in time to hear about erectile dysfunction for 2 hours, including an in depth analysis of penis pumps, cock rings, and penile implants.
I was joking with my best-lesbian-friend that, after that lecture, she might have the right idea.
But it was hands down the funniest lecture I have ever attended.
Best quote from the prof: "Rigid, or malleable, penile implants stay hard all the time. The man will always be ready for sexual intercourse. And when he doesn't want to have sex, he can just tuck it. That's what transgendered men do. They tuck it."

xoxo
Estelle

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Another Post Where I Talk About Nursing School

hey my loves
you caught me at a bad time
I don't make it a habit to blog when I am in a bad mood but i feel like I need to get this out.

I hate my pediatric rotation.
So much so that when I got home yesterday afternoon, I was wondering if it was too late to call the dean of my program and tell her that I quit. That I just cannot handle it.

I was shadowing a nurse in the pediatric intensive care unit (PICU) on Friday. One of her patients was a young boy who had osteomylitis (an infection of the bones) of the shoulder and hip and pneumonia who was on a ventilator. They couldn't keep the poor thing sedated despite him being on maxed out doses of pentobarbital, versed, fentanyl, and ketamine. He kept waking up and trying to fight the ventilator so they had his hands restrained so he wouldn't pull the tubes out.
Jesus. There were so many tubes. The one down his throat to help him breath and a nasogastric (one down his nose that runs to his stomach) so he could be fed. The Foley catheter that was in place so that he wouldn't have to be rolled over and changed so often. Two chest tubes to suction out the crap from his lungs. A PICC (peripherally inserted central catheter)line because he is going to have to be on long term antibiotic therapy as well as 2 lines placed in his femoral arteries.
All I could do was stand there and stroke his hair and tell him that it would be okay while he looked up at me with these big brown puppy-dog eyes that would flutter closed when the nurse pushed yet another dose of whatever sedation was ordered.
I felt so helpless.
He had never been sick before, never been in the hospital. A week ago, he was playing football and video games and going to school with his friends. Now he is hooked up to a machine breathing for him.

My professor came to check on me after about 3 hours of being on the unit. She asked if I was okay and I shuck my head no and that I needed to step out for a moment. She lead me out of the PICU and to a bathroom where I cried and cried and cried.
I couldn't go back.
She understood and let me stay on one of the other pediatric units until it was time to go home (nearly 6 hours later).

God and I have a strained relationship but I prayed yesterday.
I prayed that this little boy, this little 8 year old who has never done anything wrong and had never really lived doesn't remember any of this when he gets out of here.
I prayed he doesn't remember the tubes or the pain or the needles.
He'll have the scars forever but, God, please don't let him remember how much it all hurt.

I feel like I failed him.
That I wasn't strong enough to stay there with him and comfort him.

I failed.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

First 2 Exams

hello my beautiful, sexy, amazing blog-stalkers
my deepest apologies for leaving you all without a proper update for the last week or so.
Life has been hectic, to put it very mildly.


I had my first 2 exam this past week. One in Med-Surg 2 and one in OB-Peds. The Med-Surg exam didn't go so well. I walked into it knowing my shit and I walked out of it thinking that I at least made a B. When we did the test review, I realized how wrong I was. I bombed it. Like, really bombed it.
73% on a test that a 77% is the lowest passing grade.
Shit.

I wouldn't be so upset about it if I had thought that I didn't know the material or if I hadn't studied enough. I studied my ass off this this crap. So, needless to say, I was highly discouraged.

My only saving graces are that the grade isn't so low that I cannot bring it back up to passing and that now I know how the professor (who will be known from here on out as Prof. Drill Sergent) structures her exams. I'll be ready for her next time.

The day after that epic failure, we had the first OB-Peds exam. Because I was just so drained from the mental defeat the day before, I really didn't even study for it. Honestly. I reviewed the material a little before class (in between crying in my car and telling a few of my study buddies "Fuck nursing school. I am just going to move to New Orleans and become a dominatrix").
Motherfucking 82%.
That is a C+. On a test I didn't even study for.
What kind of crap is that?

Friday, September 10, 2010

Frisky Friday - Orgasms

hello my loves.
I have been a bit down this morning so all I have been doing is drinking French vanilla coffee and shopping for sex toys online. And with that, I bring you the latest installment of *Frisky Friday*.
Source: unknown :-(

And Mary Roach presents *10 Things You Didn't Know About Orgasms* on TED. An entertaining, informative, and highly enlightening presentation by the author of "Bonk."

Monday, September 06, 2010

Happy Labor Day!

Hello my darlings
I hope you all have had a happy and safe labor day weekend and that you enjoy your Monday off.
I, on the other hand, have spent the past two days studying for my exams on Tuesday and Wednesday...which has been less than fun. But today, I am going to a girlfriend's house for BBQ and some more studying.
Wish me luck, loves
xoxo
Estelle

Saturday, September 04, 2010

Clinicals this past week have been just amazing.
The 12 hour shift in OB on Thursday and the 4 hour rotation in the NICU on Friday.

The day started with a bit of a shock. The first neonate I saw when I walked into the unit was premature at 24 weeks. That is really early. Like, really freaking early. So early that if the babe had been born just a few days before, the doctors would have had no options at all. It is called the age of viability and she just made the cut. She weighed less than 2 pounds and, honestly, didn't even look real. She was just so tiny. I will never be able to forget her hands. Those tiny, tiny fingers and little nails.
One of the babies (an 8 month old who had been there from the day he was born) fell into respiratory distress while we were there. His oxygen saturation level dropped all the way to 35% (average for the NICU is 85%-95%...anything over 95% can cause oxygen toxicity and damage the eyes). His respirations fell to 13 breaths per minute (average for neonates is 40-60). The doctor and nurses were still working on him when we left so I don't know exactly what happened but I think they were getting him stabilized. I overheard someone say that he is going to need a trach tube placed.
But it wasn't all scary/sad.
The nurses were awesome. Again. Maybe it is just that hospital? I love it.
I held a baby and spoke to her about presurgical antibiotic prophylaxis and its pharmacological and nursing implications. I don't think the baby understood any of it but it helped me review for my exam next week and her heart rate went from tachycardia to normal while I was talking so I must have been doing something right.

I needed this. I needed a reminder about why I am working so hard for this nursing degree.
It isn't for the money (God knows nurses aren't paid what they are worth).
It isn't for the job security (the market is bad everywhere).
It isn't for the doctors or cute male nurses (Well......okay....that is just an added perk).

It is because I love it. The hospital. The knowledge. The adrenaline rush when I get something right or help someone when they are at one of the lowest points of their life.
I just needed to be reminded of how much I love it.

So, my darlings, as of right this very moment, I am happy and I feel like for once I am doing exactly what I am suppose to be doing.
xoxo
Estelle

Frisky Friday - Dopamine

A day late. But I still like "Frisky Friday" more than "Slutty Saturday."

Source: ♥♥♥

Thursday, September 02, 2010

OB Clinicals - Week 2

It might be the antidepressants that I started back on or the awesome nurses or the cute doctors and CRNAs but I think I might love the Labor and Delivery unit.
Here's what happened:

  • My patient was amazing today. So freaking sweet. It was unbelievable. Despite the fact that she was in pain from her c-section and that her baby couldn't be in the room with her because he was in the NICU for being a bit too early (babies are usually born around the 40th week).
  • I watched one of my classmate's patients have a vaginal birth. It was disgusting but also so fascinating to watch. It was the mom's first baby and her sister and mother were there with her and they were all crying tears of joy. To see how happy it made them was a beautiful thing.
  • I gave an IM injection today (my first!). Did it perfectly. Although, I almost fucked up by trying to recap the blunt needle (the needle that is used to draw the medication up in the syringe...it is changed to a new needle for the actual injection) in front of the instructor but I caught myself. Placed the cap on the counter and scooped it up with the needle. The instructor saw it, smiled, and made the comment, "Caught that, huh?"
  • The charge nurse on the unit overheard me reporting to my primary nurse that my patient was having breakthrough pain despite receiving Percocet 3 hours ago and asking if there was anything else we could do for her. They went to check on the patient and okayed Demerol. Later, the charge nurse told me that she was glad I reported it and that I was going to be a great nurse. Woah. What? Me? A great nurse?....I like the sound of that. :-)

xoxo
Estelle

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

[Witty Title Goes Here]

Hello my loves
Just wanted to give ya'll a quickie so you wouldn't think I had forgotten about you (as if I ever could).

Tomorrow is OB clinicals...again...0630 to 1830. Just tomorrow and next week and then our group switches to pediatrics. Meh. Not sure how to feel about it yet.
But tomorrow night, I am going out to dinner with the maternal unit. Which might be fun...or it could suck balls. I'll let you know.
Friday, I am at the NICU (neonatal intesive care unit). Babies. Sick babies. :-( But it is only 4 hours so I should be okay.

I bought a new cover for my Ipod...it is pick..and I love it. I know, I know. I am not really a pink kinda girl but I needed a new one and they didn't have purple or green.

My aunt asked my mother if I have been on Facebook lately because she hasn't seen me post anything in the past few weeks. Hmmm. That's odd. I am sure that it has nothing to do with me placing her on a restricted list on my Facebook page so she can't see any of my wall post. And if it was because of that, I am sure it wasn't caused by the fact that she jump my ass about wanting a tattoo and telling my friends who encouraged the idea that I was risking Hep B & C if I go through with it. yeah. I am sure that has nothing to do with it.

Frisky Friday might come a day early this week. I have 2 exams next week and the partner-in-crime wants to get together Friday afternoon after I get out so we can study/"study" so I might not be able to get to it Friday afternoon and/or be too out of it from a combination of exhaustion and Red Bull to figure out how to work a computer.
xoxox
Estelle

PostScript
Do you guys think you could do me a favor? Go tell Callie Ann that she is not weird or closed off for liking to be alone. I would tell her myself but considering that I am a little weird and closed-off in addition to me liking/tolerating being alone, it wouldn't mean that much coming from me.