Saturday, January 01, 2011

2011: This year is not going to suck as much as 2010 did.

Good morning, my darlings.
Happy 2011. I hope that your New Year’s Eve festivities didn’t leave you in too bad of shape.
I…um….I’ll be spending the day recovering. I didn’t get too drunk last night but the energy drinks didn’t help with sleep. After going to bed at 2:30am, I woke up at 5:15 to make sure that one of the guys who spent the night was off to work on time. Tried to get back to sleep but that didn’t work so I got out of bed at 7am. I do belive that there is a nap somewhere in my near future.
I had a good time last night. I rang in the New Year with a few friends, as well as Lee, and Brit. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. We laughed, watches stupid movies, and ate too much pizza. We..um...also drank...a little bit.
Rather than playing beer pong because apparently, according to my friends, “Beer pong is for pussies,” we played vodka and Redbull pong. Someone brought a few Four Lokos and they were going to use those but after having one sip of the lime flavored one, I wasn't convinced that I wanted to play if they were using those. That shit tastes atrocious. Like the bastard child of a Corona and a tall glass of *WTF?*.
(I don't know what WTF tastes like, but that is all you can think when you first drink it.)
And speaking of bad tastes: when I drink, I also smoke. Which, I know, is how most smokers start. But no worries, I won’t be doing much more of that. Because even after going through half a bottle of mouthwash this morning, it still tastes like I sucked the Marlboro Man’s dick last night. Gross.
But now that all of that is out of my system, I have made a New Year’s resolution. Actually, it is one big resolution comprised of a bunch of little resolutions.
I want to start taking better care of myself. It’s all inclusive. At times, I have been known to treat my body more like an amusement park than a temple…not that that is a terrible thing at times but I just need to find a bit more balance.

For 2011, I resolve to:
Eat more fruits and veggies and less Hostess cupcakes (OMG…but they are sooooo good). I can tell when my diet has taken a turn for the worst because it affects everything…my mood, my skin, my energy level. I think that starting to eat a little more naturally and trying to avoid too many processed food would be a good place to start.

Start taking my vitamins and antidepressants religiously. I know, I know. I sat through the mental health nursing class and I know that in order for antidepressants to be effective, they have to be at therapeutic levels in your blood for a period of time. But I’m a busy girl. Some mornings, I just forget to take them. And I am sure just taking two the next day isn’t the wisest thing to do. So yeah. Even if it means setting an alarm on my phone, I will take them every morning.

Get some exercise. But don’t get it twisted. You are not going to see my fat ass in the gym. I’ve just never been the kind of girl to work up a sweat in front of other people (well….you know what I mean) but I would like to get a little more toned and flexible. (although, I don’t really care about losing weight so much...the boobs are the first thing to go. No thanks). I am thinking more along the lines of yoga or some kind of dancing.
So I have a yoga mat and bands, some ankle weights, and a few belly dancing DVDs. Let’s get this party started.

Drinking more water and less alcohol. (This seems a little dumb to write this down when I spent the first part of this entry talking about how blasted we got last night but just go with it, okay?) There were times this year when I drank to the point of getting completely waste 2 or 3 times a week. That….is a little excessive. I realize now that it was my form of self medication. I spent most of the year dealing with some serious depression and I am sure that this didn’t help much. As a matter of fact, because of the alcohol, I found myself in situations that were terribly destructive to my self-worth. And I don’t want to do that again. So for 2011, less alcohol. A glass of wine is okay but 5 shots of Crown Royal over the course of an hour is not.

Being more selective about who I get involved with. This is my biggest regret of 2010. I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I feel tremendously guilty about it. I do realize that I am supposed to be a modern woman and feel some kind of sexual liberation but truthfully, I just feel kind of used. I think that in my loneliness, I was looking for something, anything to make myself feel better. Being with someone made me feel wanted and I liked that…even if the experience itself wasn’t exactly satisfying.
But why should I let someone touch me just because they say I am beautiful? Why should I submit to someone who, to be brutally honestly, doesn’t deserve me and won’t respect me the next day? Screw that.
2010 was the year of the drunken hook-up. So in 2011, things are going to be different. (I am actually considering going celibate. At least for the next 5 months, so that I can concentrate on finishing up my degree. Don't worry, though. Frisky Friday and Slutty Saturday will still be regular features.)

Also, I am going to wearing cute underwear just because they make me happy, even though I know there isn’t a snowflake’s chance in hell of anyone seeing them but me.

More music, art, and “me-time.” Since I have been in nursing school, I have seriously neglected my creative side. Everything has been academic and I feel like when I wasn’t making horrible life choices, I had become a Nursing School Atonomaton…only seeing the rational, concrete side of things. But, believe it or not dearest readers, I use to be what my sister lovingly refers to as an “artsy fartsy dreamer type”. Hard to imagine, right? I would kind of like to get back to that. I want to learn to play the guitar and paint a few canvases...that artsy-fartsy dreamer stuff nurishes the soul.

In conclusion, my loves, thank you for being there with me through 2010. 2011 is going to be a great year and I cannot wait for ya’ll to take this journey with me. :-)
xoxox,
Estelle

5 comments:

Zazzy Episodes said...

I totally agree with the cute undies. I choose to do this about 5 years ago and it works! Good luck with your resolutions. I feel inspired to do better myself.

rnraquel said...

Hostess Cupcakes are seriously addictive!
And girl, you do not need to hook up with everyone that says you are beautiful. I did that in my late teens and early 20's, and far from being liberating, it sucked the life out of me and stressed me out!You take care of yourself and nurture yourself and the right someone will come along who appreciates you. That person will want to nurture your soul as well, not just use you. Sorry if I sound too much like a Mom, but I have lived it and wish you happiness :)
Happy New Year!

Estelle Darling said...

Zazzy: Victoria's Secret is my new addiction. :-)

No need to apologize, RNRaquel. Thank you for saying that. It is just what I needed to hear.
For the past year, I have watched my girlfriends go out and be with a different guy every other night. Even though I only did that once or twice, I couldnt help but think, "How is this not just eating them up inside? Am I the only one who feels like complete hell afterwards?" I just don't see the point to it anymore.
xoxox,
Estelle

Chloé. said...

Don't hate me... buuut I've NEVER had a hostess cupcake.

Estelle Darling said...

I could never hate you Chloe. ♥