Have you ever woken up one morning thinking, "Hey, am I Estelle, student nurse?"
You might be crazy.
But here are a few ways to check and see if you have indeed turned into me. ;)
- You have developed a thing for guys wearing scrubs...like to the point of being distracted by the orderlies and male nurses during report. [My patient's calcium level was what? I was too busy staring at that guy's ass to listen.]
- When asked by a patient if you have done a procedure before, you say, “Oh, once or twice” with a wink. When in fact, you have only once this procedure once or twice…in a practice lab….on a SIM Man...who asked you to stop.
- You carry no less than 3 pen lights with you at all time.
- You learned during your pediatric rotation that lots of boo-boos can be fixed with a neon band-aid and a lollipop.
- Your preferred method of waking drunk, passed-out friends is with a sternal rub. Because sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
- You manage to still look foxy after a 6 hour study group and 3 hours of sleep.
- You get more excited over giving blood products than a vampire.
- You scream at the TV every time you see a hospital bed with the side rails down.
- You have had nightmares about Accu-checks before.
- You have ever used the terms *related to* [not talking about family] and *as evidenced by* in an everyday conversation.
- You have talked about necrotic tissue while at the dinner table.
- You have been banned from talking about work or school at the dinner table.
- You write a careplan for yourself and your classmates. The first diagnosis is “Self-care deficit r/t being nursing student.” The second is “Anticipatory grieving r/t impending final exams as evidenced by crying fits in December and May.”
- You have gotten closer to your classmates than you are to your family…just because you see them more often.
- You try to convince your friends to go into nursing [because it is a good career choice].
- You try to convince your enemies to go into nursing [because you want to see them cry].
- The first time you hung an IV piggyback, you thought it was the coolest thing in the whole world.
- Prepping IV tubing makes your whole clinical day.
- Your classmates did a presentation on STDs and made everyone put a condom on a banana [middle school sex-ed style].
- The most hilarious lecture you have ever been to was on male reproductive problems when you heard your ultraconversative med-surg teacher talk about penis pumps and cock rings as interventions for erectile dysfunction.
- You refer to your piercer or tattoo artist’s work area as a *sterile field*.
- You have used restraints…and not just in a sexual way [but mostly in a sexual way].
- You catch yourself staring at strangers’ veins in the mall.
- You have at some point said, “Oh oh! Let me do it! Let me put in the Foley catheter!”
- You think you might have every disease you study while in school [zomg. Prostate cancer!]
- You tease you classmates for *forgetting* to take their stethoscopes from around their necks before leaving the nursing practice lab…until you catch yourself doing it.
- You have successfully managed to replace sleep with coffee and Red Bull.
- You are on a first name basis with all the librarians at your college and can draw a map of where the nursing textbooks are located in the stacks.
- Your Christmas wish list included two different NCLEX prep books.
- You have had a professor explain to you that *even though you picked the right answer on an exam, you didn’t pick the RIGHT answer*.
- Your first semester, you outlines a chapter in the textbook and it was 30 pages long…4 more than the actual chapter.
- Your mild case of spinal column kyphosis from hunching over a study table in the library is balanced out by the lordosis from carrying a 50lbs bookbag.
- You have taken bets over a patient’s blood sugar during clinical. Loser buys coffee for the group.
- You have pointed out a TV character’s bad technique while they are giving CPR [oh, Congrats, House. You just broke your patient’s xiphoid process.]
- You refer to the St Patrick ’s Day pinching of people not wearing green as “assessing skin turgor”.
- You have cried in front of and seen most of your classmates cry [men and women].
- You have gotten out of a speeding ticket by batting your eyelashes and saying “But officer, I’m a nursing student and I am late for lecture!” ;)
- Your classmates have a panic attack over the having to write an *APA format* paper and come running to you because they know you can do that crap in your sleep.
- You brought a laptop into Hooters so you could write a paper on on alcohol abuse for your mental health nursing class while you drank beer.
- When asked to describe a lung xray you tell your instructor, “Bilateral….fluffy…white shadows….BUNNIES! He has bunnies in his lungs!” [Bonus points if your professor answers "No, Estelle. Those are tumors. Good guess though."]
[Please forgive the ridiculous and completely unhelpful nature of this post. I am sleep deprived and this is the crap my mind comes up with.]