Monday, February 07, 2011

Estelle's Guide to Nursing School: Part 6 - You Know You are *Estelle, SN* when...

Hello my darlings. :)
Have you ever woken up one morning thinking, "Hey, am I Estelle, student nurse?"
You might be crazy.
But here are a few ways to check and see if you have indeed turned into me. ;)

  • You have developed a thing for guys wearing to the point of being distracted by the orderlies and male nurses during report. [My patient's calcium level was what? I was too busy staring at that guy's ass to listen.]
  • When asked by a patient if you have done a procedure before, you say, “Oh, once or twice” with a wink. When in fact, you have only once this procedure once or twice…in a practice lab….on a SIM Man...who asked you to stop.
  • You carry no less than 3 pen lights with you at all time.
  • You learned during your pediatric rotation that lots of boo-boos can be fixed with a neon band-aid and a lollipop.
  • Your preferred method of waking drunk, passed-out friends is with a sternal rub. Because sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
  • You manage to still look foxy after a 6 hour study group and 3 hours of sleep.
  • You get more excited over giving blood products than a vampire.
  • You scream at the TV every time you see a hospital bed with the side rails down.
  • You have had nightmares about Accu-checks before.
  • You have ever used the terms *related to* [not talking about family] and *as evidenced by* in an everyday conversation.
  • You have talked about necrotic tissue while at the dinner table.
  • You have been banned from talking about work or school at the dinner table.
  • You write a careplan for yourself and your classmates. The first diagnosis is “Self-care deficit r/t being nursing student.” The second is “Anticipatory grieving r/t impending final exams as evidenced by crying fits in December and May.”
  • You have gotten closer to your classmates than you are to your family…just because you see them more often.
  • You try to convince your friends to go into nursing [because it is a good career choice].
  • You try to convince your enemies to go into nursing [because you want to see them cry].
  • The first time you hung an IV piggyback, you thought it was the coolest thing in the whole world.
  • Prepping IV tubing makes your whole clinical day.
  • Your classmates did a presentation on STDs and made everyone put a condom on a banana [middle school sex-ed style].
  • The most hilarious lecture you have ever been to was on male reproductive problems when you heard your ultraconversative med-surg teacher talk about penis pumps and cock rings as interventions for erectile dysfunction.
  • You refer to your piercer or tattoo artist’s work area as a *sterile field*.
  • You have used restraints…and not just in a sexual way [but mostly in a sexual way].
  • You catch yourself staring at strangers’ veins in the mall.
  • You have at some point said, “Oh oh! Let me do it! Let me put in the Foley catheter!”
  • You think you might have every disease you study while in school [zomg. Prostate cancer!]
  • You tease you classmates for *forgetting* to take their stethoscopes from around their necks before leaving the nursing practice lab…until you catch yourself doing it.
  • You have successfully managed to replace sleep with coffee and Red Bull.
  • You are on a first name basis with all the librarians at your college and can draw a map of where the nursing textbooks are located in the stacks.
  • Your Christmas wish list included two different NCLEX prep books.
  • You have had a professor explain to you that *even though you picked the right answer on an exam, you didn’t pick the RIGHT answer*.
  • Your first semester, you outlines a chapter in the textbook and it was 30 pages long…4 more than the actual chapter.
  • Your mild case of spinal column kyphosis from hunching over a study table in the library is balanced out by the lordosis from carrying a 50lbs bookbag.
  • You have taken bets over a patient’s blood sugar during clinical. Loser buys coffee for the group.
  • You have pointed out a TV character’s bad technique while they are giving CPR [oh, Congrats, House. You just broke your patient’s xiphoid process.]
  • You refer to the St Patrick ’s Day pinching of people not wearing green as “assessing skin turgor”.
  • You have cried in front of and seen most of your classmates cry [men and women].
  • You have gotten out of a speeding ticket by batting your eyelashes and saying “But officer, I’m a nursing student and I am late for lecture!” ;)
  • Your classmates have a panic attack over the having to write an *APA format* paper and come running to you because they know you can do that crap in your sleep.
  • You brought a laptop into Hooters so you could write a paper on on alcohol abuse for your mental health nursing class while you drank beer.
  • When asked to describe a lung xray you tell your instructor, “Bilateral….fluffy…white shadows….BUNNIES! He has bunnies in his lungs!” [Bonus points if your professor answers "No, Estelle. Those are tumors. Good guess though."]

[Please forgive the ridiculous and completely unhelpful nature of this post. I am sleep deprived and this is the crap my mind comes up with.]


Kaleena J. said...

Haha this one made me laugh:

You get more excited over giving blood products than a vampire.

rnraquel said...

Ugh I remember having that conversation about the right answer versus the RIGHT answer.

kristen said...

Estelle, I am telling all my nursing friends to go read this. I cannot stop laughing, I know they will enjoy this!

NP Odyssey said...

What a great list and a picture of Daryl Hannah to boot.

Absentbabinski said...

"Prepping IV tubing makes your whole clinical day."

I totally remember this one :D

Cool list, laughed several times!

Christine said...

Oh you mean the righest answer of all the right ones?

Totally had a fellow nursing student make this comment, of course meant to be sarcastic but it is still sooo true.

How about the NS who gets excited over giving an enema because she's the only one who got to check it off her skills list in clinical?

Kendra said...

I'm only 4 weeks in and I've done/said/had personal experience with some of these already. The RIGHT answer one...too close to home after today's TNI exam! BLARG

Zazzy Episodes said...

How do you do it Estelle?? You're an amazing writer, keep up the great posts! Now all I need is your number so I can call you when I get stuck on APA format :-)

Anonymous said...

you wear your scrubs out and shoot tequila the night before an 8am class.

jj, lol lik ucffg

Estelle Darling said...

@Kaleena: It is a huge deal for us to be able to do it, even under the watchful eye of our primary nurse or instructor. So it is very exciting. :)

@rnRaquel: :-/ And I wouldn't even DREAM of arguing for the points.

@Kristen: lol. Thanks for the comment and I can't wait to hear about what they think of it. :)

@NPOdyssey: I freaking love Ellie Driver in the Kill Bill movies. Daryl Hannah rocked it. :)

@Absentbabinski: Something about D5W at 7am just does it for me. lol

@Christine: lmao.
I HATE giving them. I actually told one of my post-op patients last semester [she was a nurse], "Don't take this the wrong way, but I am probably more excited than you are that you had a BM." lol

@Kendra: Ouch. Was it that bad? I am working on a post that you might like [nursing exam tips] but it isn't finished yet.

Zazzy: Aww. You are making me blush, love. If you weren't trying to quit Facebook, we might be able to work something out. lol

Ultracool: Hey! To be fair, I wasn't wearing scrubs and it was Crown Royal shots. ;)

Krista said...

I've been out of school for 8 years and in the administrative side of nursing for 2 years and I STILL size up people's veins in social settings. Or make bets with fellow health care workers WRT my ability to get the impossible stick. ;-)

no_souvenirs said...

You brought a laptop into Hooters so you could write a paper on on alcohol abuse for your mental health nursing class while you drank beer.

This should be on every bullentin board in every hallway of my school! I loved it!
PS: thanks for stopping by

Anonymous said...

Great list- definitely put a smily on my face! If only I was still so excited to prime IV tubing (though thankfully I now can do it about 100x faster)!