So I was going through a bunch of my old links today and came across a LiveJournal blog that I kept back when I was 17/18. This is one of the entries.
So, as if any of you have a doubt in your mind about it, I have always been this sarcastic and bitchy. But I like to think that I have matured somewhat and that i am not so cynical toward relationship and romance [but who are we trying to kid? That isn't the case. lol]
This is a Myspace bulletin I read a while ago, "What girls really mean."
I was wondering about that. Do all the teenage bitches today really send these stupid signal to guys? Do you actually think they will pick up on them?
I know that guys are naturally clueless about women. I say what I mean. I don't send signals or signs. I am honest in my relationships. When I want something or don't, in most cases, I tell them.
Anyway, here is the original bulletin (labeled "regular girl") along with what I mean (labeled "me"...duh)
Regular girl: When I walk away from you mad, follow me.
Me: When I walk away from you mad, it means leave me the fuck alone.
Regular girl: When I stare at your mouth, kiss me.
Me: When I stare at your mouth, you probably have something on your lips that grosses me out, like a cold sore, and I am praying to God, Allah and Buddah that you don't try to kiss me because I am fairly sure what you have is contagious.
Regular girl: When I push you or hit you, grab me and don't let go.
Me: When I push you or hit you, run away. Fast.
Regular girl: When I start cussing at you, Kiss me and tell me you love me.
Me: When I start cussing at you, you are about two seconds away from a black eye or a broken nose.
Regular girl: When I'm quiet, ask me what’s wrong.
Me: When I'm quiet, I am trying to think of a way to tell you that I just want to be friends. That means I can ask you to do stuff for me but in return, you won't get any sex from me.
Regular girl: When I ignore you, give me your attention.
Me: When I ignore you, you are boring me. Learn to juggle while riding a unicycle or something.
Regular girl: When I pull away, pull me back.
Me: When I pull away, let me go. If I wanted to be held, I wouldn't have pulled away in the first place.
Regular girl: When you see me at my worst, tell me I'm beautiful.
Me: When you see me at my worst, it is a freak occurrence because I am perfect in every way.
Regular girl: When you see me start crying, hold me and tell me everything will be alright.
Me: When you see me start crying, had me a box of tissues and leave the room because when I start to cry it is a big sobbing mess that includes scream that sound like something is dying and me blaming you and my parents for everything that is wrong in my life and you don't want to be around when that happens. Believe me.
Regular girl: When you see me walking, sneak up and hug my waist from behind.
Me: When you see me walking, say something before you decide that sneaking up on me would be funny because if you do, you are likely to get punched in the throat because I think I am being abducted or mugged.
Regular girl: If I don't call you, its because I'm waiting for you to call me.
Me: If I don't call, I am busy and have other people in my life that are more important that you. What? Are you trying to monopolize my time or something? Take a number, sweetheart.
Regular girl: When I'm scared, protect me.
Me: When I'm scared, turn off Saw II and put on a Disney movie because if I have a nightmare that night, I am going to call you at 3am and blame you for it.
Regular girl: When I lay my head on your shoulder, tilt my head up and kiss me.
Me: When I lay my head on your shoulder, I am probably about to fall asleep. I hope you don't mind if I drool on your shirt.
Regular girl: When I grab at your hands, hold mine and play with my fingers.
Me: When I grab your hands, it means stop trying to feel me up.
Regular girl: When I tease you, tease me back and make me laugh.
Me: When I tease you, I'm being serious. Your man-stank is making me nauseous and you really do need to shower and shave.
Regular girl: When I don't answer for a long time, reassure me that everything is okay.
Me: When I don't answer for a long time, I didn't hear you. I was lost in a fantasy involving either Jack Sparrow, Ville Vallo or Jordan Collier...um...whoever it was, we were having sex...and you diffidently weren't there.
Regular girl: When I look at you with doubt, back yourself up.
Me: When I look at you with doubt, I don't believe it when you say your penis is two inches…from the ground.
Regular girl: When I say that I like you, I really do more than you could understand.
Me: When I say that I like you, I like you. Nothing more, nothing less.
Regular girl: When I bump into you, bump into me back and make me laugh.
Me: When I bump into you, opps. My bad.
Regular girl: When I tell you a secret, keep it safe and untold.
Me: When I tell you a secret, take it to the grave. Because if you don't, that is where you will be going anyway.
Regular girl: When I look at you in your eyes, don't look away until I do.
Me: When I look at you in your eyes, STARING CONTEST!
Regular girl: When I miss you, I'm hurting inside.
Me: When I miss you, I'll readjust my aim and try again.
Regular girl: When you break my heart, the pain never really goes away.
Me: When you break my heart, I'll have my brothers break your legs and leave you in a ditch somewhere.
Regular girl: When I say its over, I still want you to be mine.
Me: When I say its over, it’s fucking over.