Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Finally, a little good news.

Hello my darlings.

I know I have been completely MIA the past few weeks and I am sure most of you are just ready to give up on me but things have just been so hectic lately.

School is discouraging. It is the last semester and I feel so much like a fraud. Like I should not be about to graduate. I have fucked up so much in the past two years...I've made stupid mistakes and allowed my personal issues to get in the way of my studies. I feel like I haven't learned enough and that I don't deserve it.

Well, in order to pass the last MedSurg course and be able to graduate, we have to pass a cumulative HESI exam.

Everyone was freaking out this exam and had spent the past few weeks studying.

Um...I hadn't. Been studying that is...I was doing plenty of freaking out. You see the week before the HESI, I had spring break. You would think, "oh perfect. A whole week off to study and prepare for the exam." Um...not so much.
I had a doctor's appointment on Friday that I had been losing sleep over. Seriously. For the past week, I had not been sleeping more than 3 hours at a time over the course of a day. In addition, I was having some drama involving my honey, as well as friendship that turned sour resulting in a bunch of emails designed to make me feel guilty for cutting off contact with this person.

Oh, and did I mention that I had three term papers to write?

So yeah. It was a rough week.

The day before the HESI, the partner in crime asked if I wanted to study with her. After driving all over town looking for a coffee shop that we could actually study at, we almost gave up. Sitting in a parking lot on our laptops, we realized that the little daiquiri shop next to Starbucks had wifi. Hmmm. So we went in.

Perfect study spot. Seriously. At least for me. It was cold and the lighting was low. Oh and they had alcohol. So of course, I ordered a daiquiri which turned out to be a horrible idea. I am not sure how it happened because i am usually really good at holding my liquor but that one little frosty drink totally fucked my whole world up. It was probably because of the lack of sleep and all the stress I was under.

I was really drunk...and I still had three term papers to write.

So I ended up going home and sleeping it off for a few hours. Ugh. Woke up hungover as hell....and miserable.

I finished the term papers at 3am.

Not five seconds after I turned off the light, laid down, and shut my mother knocked on my bedroom door.


"Oh dear Lord. Please don't let it be 6am already. I just laid down."

"No. Just making sure you finished your papers." (she is so thoughtful. ♥)

My HESI was scheduled for 8am. I managed about 2 hours of sleep before I woke up in a cold sweat thinking I was just hours from flunking out of nursing school.

But by the time I walked into the testing center and handed in my papers, any anxiety or fear I had was dissolved. I cannot explain why. I think that I finally reach my maximum threshold. I just didn't care anymore. Whatever happened in that room will happen and there is nothing I could do to change it now.

Plus, my classmates were amazing. We all kind of had the same look on our face. Like for the past two years, we have given everything we had and there just wasn't much left.

After an hour and a half (of our allotted 4 hours), I walked out of the testing center. I really didn't know what to do with myself then. I knew that I wouldn't get the results until sometime later than afternoon so I just waited...and waited...and waited.

I chatted with my classmates and picked up my graduation invitations.

Several of my darling classmates told me they had been really worried about me, that I hadn't been returning calls or text messages and that I looked really, really pale.

Hmmm. I suppose that is what happens when I am under crushing amounts of stress.

At around 12:30, I got a barrage of text messages all at once. "Check your email, DoodleBug!!" and "OMG. Made that fucking test my bitch. ;)"

I quickly checked my email to find this:


A 95.54% on an exam that I didn't study for and took having had less than 2 hours of sleep and while I was hungover as fuck?

I don't even know what to say about this. My first thought was, "Nope, either the the test was flawed or this isn't my grade."

But no. That was my grade.

My favorite clinicalmate told me that if you scored anything over an 850 (the minimum the school considers a 'passing' grade), theoretically, you should pass NCLEX.


What's more, according to the nursing department, our graduating class made the highest average of all the previous classes. :)


NP Odyssey said...

Estelle dear congratulations and maybe daiquiri's are the answer. All this time I thought the answer was 42.

When is the NCLEX and what about this honey and friendship gone bad situation?

Zazzy Episodes said...

Woo hoo, look at you Estelle, way to go on getting such high marks on that HESI exam! I totally wish that were the result of my test taking on little sleep, but it isn't. Back to the drawing board.
I agree with NPO, what's up with the honey and friendship gone bad situation, and not to forget to mention the doctor's appointment?

Estelle Darling said...

I wrote an entry for ya'll. Just posted.

NPO: I paid for NCLEX and should be getting my authorization to test letter as soon as my school mails in my transcripts (sometime in the next week or two). I am thinking that I'll take the exam toward the end of June or July. :)

Pollyanna said...

Late to the party here but WAY TO GO SMART LADY! You kicked the ass of that test so hard that it's test-grandchildren will be born with more cracks on their butts than one! You RULE! :)