Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Something I Never Though I Would Have to Say

I was talking with friend recently about how odd it was to think of her as a mother.
Even though she is almost 10 years older than me with two kids, it is still strange when I see her at her home "being mommy"...especially when the weekend before I saw her downing shots of Patron and helping me kick some ass in a game of pool against two guys who thought they had it in the bag.

Anyway, I am getting sidetracked.

She said that even she thought it was bizarre that she is a mom. And that she often found herself saying things to her kids that she never thought she would say in her life.
Things like "Don't bite the cat" or "Stop licking the wall. It tastes nothing like snozberries."

Well, dear readers, today I find myself saying something that I never imagined I would have to spell out.

PLEASE, for the love of God, do not email me or text me photos of your rashes.
Or your funky looking moles.
Or your questionable [possibly syphilis?] lesions.

I give ya'll a lot of credit. None of you have done this to me.
And yes. While I have had someone describe a rash to me over the phone, no one had ever sent photos before. o_O

Since graduation on Saturday, apparently word has gotten out to my younger brother's friends that I am now 'officially' a nurse [trying to explain to them that, no, I am not a nurse yet, doesn't work]. I already knew more than any of my classmates about splinting fractures and stabilizing strains because of them. They are all skateboarders...or BMXers...or they get high and do stupid shit like fall out of trees.
I just don't ever want to hear "Um...does this look contagious to you?" again. And if I do, I want to be getting paid for it.


Amy said...

Haha.. Yes, you must get paid for that! :)

NP Odyssey said...

For all intensive puposes you are an RN. Family and friends will start thinking you know everything medical and ask questions.
I once had an old lady who lived two apartments down knock on my door early one morning because she had cut her finger.
It sucked because I was hung over and never even got any cookies for wrapping it up.

As for your brothers friends, just say that rash is bad and you better get some medication before your penis falls off.

Estelle Darling said...

lmao. You know, NP, that is pretty much what I said.

Zazzy Episodes said...

Holy crackers and cheese NPO, that was some funny stuff you wrote. I love the story of the elderly neighbor and your hang over, and the whole rash advice. You made me chuckle out loud and at work.

Zazzy Episodes said...

PS, a lot of the students I hang out with are 10 years or more younger than me and I love it. It helps me stay young and I like to mold them all.