I just realized I now have 101 followers.
One hundred & one.
I am not sure exactly how I managed to fool 101 of y'all into thinking what I write is worth reading but I am sooo glad y'all have poor taste. ♥
Lidocaine - local anesthetic and antiarrhythmic drug.
Furosemide - loop diuretic used in the treatment of congestive heart failure and edema.
Digoxin - cardiac glycoside widely used in the treatent of various heart conditions like atrial fibrillation, atrial flutter, and sometimes heart failure that cannot be controlled by other medications.
Sodium Bicarbonate - used as a buffer in respiratory acidosis-induced cardiac arrests.
Dopamine Hydrochloride - increases heart rate and blood pressure.
Nitroglycerin - vasodilator to treat heart conditions, such as angina and chronic heart failure.
Atrophine Sulfate - used to treat episodes of bradycardia, asystole and cardiac arrest.
Dobutamine Hydrochloride - used in treatment of heart failure and cardiogenic shock.
Morphine Sulfate - used to treat both acute and chronic pain. Also used for pain due to myocardial infarction and labor.
Whoa. What's this? A totally un-nursing related post?!? Zomg.
On Twitter the other day, my darling Tine over at Thought Dropbox called her lovely dog a "Leggy Blonde." This amused me far more than it should a person who was sober and not at all smoking pot. Like I seriously got all giggly and it made me wonder what exactly was in the tea I was drinking at the time [*fingers crossed* for any upcoming drug tests I have].
Then it totally dawned on me that my lovely Australian Cattle Dog [aka my red heeler...like a blue heeler...only red], Rebel, is a redhead. A foxy, foxy redhead. Who steals the covers. Photos included for your viewing pleasure [not of me in bed, silly. Of the dog.]
A glamour shot of him. He can be such a ham in front of a camera.
This past semester. I hate that ugly yellow throw but he loves it. Ugh. Security blanket, maybe?
He's playing football. Yeah. Football. Without a doubt, he's a southern dog. ;-)
I suppose since I have mostly nurses and nursing students following this blog, I probably ought to post something semi-nursing school related.
So allow me to present: Nursing Student Cat.
Y'all, Nursing Student Cat totally feels our pain. From the 0630 clinical call times to constantly fielding the question "Why didn't you go to medical school?"
And I am really, really, super-duper sorry that the NCLEX post is taking forever. The fact that the NCSBN has been visiting this blog has me a little spooked so I am taking my time and trying not to say anything that, oh I don't know, could make me lose my nursing license. So thank you for all your patience and understanding. I couldn't ask for a more loyal, amazing, supportive group of people. ♥
So, you know how sometimes I go for days or even a week or more without a post here on Word Lust? Well...I don't totally disappear off the face of the earth. You can usually find me over on Twitter. It is just so much easier to be clever in 140 characters or less.
Anyway, last week (I think it was last week...maybe the week before), a girlfriend called me at 11pm on Tuesday night. Her and her -ahem- sweetheart of a boyfriend had gotten into a fight and he stormed out. Well, she didn't want to be alone. Knowing what I know about this girl, it would have been a terrible idea to let her be by herself while she was upset. And I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself had *something* happened to her after she reached out to me for help.
Being the amazing friend that I am, I grabbed my purse and a few changes of clothes and headed out to the country to keep her company for the next few days. Rather than rehashing the whole story, I will let my Twitter account fill you in.
[This actually kind of reminds me of the *Textually Active* post from last year where I posted some of my favorite text messages. Hmmm. May have to start making this a regular feature.]
~*Tuesday Night/Early Wednesday Morning*~
FUCK! One of my girls is having an emotional breakdown. Heading out to the country tonight to keep her from doing anything stupid.
I should be a goddamn psych nurse. With all the crazy bitches I hang out with, it's like it was meant to be.
And of course that motherfucker couldn't have the common decency to break up with her during the daylight hours. Had to be at 11pm.
It's midnight, I'm wearing sweats and I'm driving out to BFE. This is how every single horror movie/porn I've ever seen has started.
Y'all. It's dark. There are no city lights. I see cows and I think I may hear banjos. I'm scared. The shit I do for friends.
Oh lord. There. Is. A. Fucking. Horse. In. Her. Front. Yard. I may not make it out of this alive.
Holy fuck, y'all. Who stays in a relationship *this* fucked up? I mean, really? Why didn't she drop his ass months ago?
Estelle, suicide intervention and drinking buddy. I should print up goddamn business cards.
Totally re-living therapeutic communication from psych nursing right now. >_<
Okay...she's alright for the moment. I am so fucking tired though.
Fuck....my head hurts...
After 10pm, the only counseling skills I possess are to just make you drink until you feel better.
I woke up disoriented and in a bed that isn't my own. Oh hell. It's like every weekend I ever had in college.
Lying on the bed and clinging to it for dear life so the world will quit spinning. I'd even settle for it just slowing down a little.
I need a massage and a bloody mary...and some aspirin.
So...um...has anyone seen my shoes?
Estelle's hangover update: the room has stopped spinning. Mostly.
Disregard previous tweet. Room still spinning.
~*Wednesday Night/Early Thursday Morning*~
This bathroom is so fucking pink. Highly unsettling. I don't want to be here right now.
At a bar. On a Wednesday night. *Crazy Bitch* is blaring. Yeah. No way this could end badly.
For the longest time I have been very careful about keeping my online persona and my "in real life/wears scrubs and a nametag/eats Greek food with colleagues/professional"-self separate. Miles apart, if you will. Light years, even.
But in the past year, I have been slipping. I've gotten close to some of you..to the point of feeling like we are all part of some big cyber family [group hug!]. And with that, some of you have actually gotten to know the real me [the real actual living, breathing, Greek food-eating Estelle....I am totally craving gyros right now. Can't you tell?]
So that whole not mixing the blog me with the real me thing hasn't exactly worked out so well.
Now...this wouldn't bother me normally. Because I trust all of you [foolish, I know...but like I said, we're a big cyber family] and I've never had any negative feedback on this blog whatsoever. Aside from the fact that I must be doing something wrong if I haven't offended or pissed off at least a few people, I take that as a sign that it is pretty well received by the general blogosphere.
Well, as all of you know, I run a tracker on this blog. It is more of a view counter really. It keeps tabs on the daily hits, search terms [which provide for hours of amusement], as well as the IP addresses of all the individuals who view the page.
I am fairly sure I was overreacting when I saw this and my first instinct was to delete my blog, close my Twitter account, dye my hair and move out of state:
This blog hit originated from the NCSBN headquarters in Chicago. Now, if you don't know, the National Council of State Boards of Nursing develops the NCLEX exams as well as do a whole bunch of other stuff that I am sure I would be more impressed if I were not in fact exhausted and slightly worried that someone is checking up on my activities.
It is just the *tiniest* bit suspicious.
I am not concerned so much about them looking into any HIPAA violations [even though HIPAA violations are a big freakin' deal] because like I have said numerous times, the very few stories I have shared about patients have been scrubbed and sanitized to within an inch of their life. Fuck, for all ya'll know, I could be [and have been] making all of it up.
But it has got me thinking about this blog and how it reflects on me as a so-called professional. I've always been concerned about people seeing me as a "good nurse" because of some of the things that go on in my personal life. Regardless of the fact that I think the going-ons of my personal life have little to do with my ability to practice as a nurse [within reason. Just so long as I am not putting patients at risk].
I have fucked up relationship [who doesn't?].
I swear like a sailor at times [I really ought to quit but is there a word more amusing than 'fucker'? I think not.]
I like to drink and I may overdo it at times. Seriously. Been known to get straight up trashy drunk at those "End of the Semester" bashes with the classmates and make some *really* bad decisions. [Bad decisions like...oh, I don't know...applying to nursing school....I'm kidding! Kind of.]
Basically, when I am not on the clock, I can be as unprofessional as they come. But that is the key. When. I. Am. Off. The. Clock.
Y'all know me. Probably better than most of the people who know the "real me". Ever since I graduated and took boards [even before actually], I've had this on my mind. Where does Estelle the nurse end and Estelle the person begin?
I know that now [as I have been told by my aunt numerous times...who totally personifies the "angel in scrubs" BS image] that I have a "professional obligation" to maintain a certain "front" now that I am an RN.
But I did not sign up for sainthood when I started nursing school. I'll take the scrubs and stethoscope but you can keep the wings and halo. My horns kind of make the halo sit crooked anyway. ;)
Word Lust isn't that big of a deal. It's my outlet...my sounding board...my connection to some of the most amazing people that I know. My readership is about 100 people [and I love each and every one of you to pieces. Group hug!] with maybe fewer than 10 of you who know my real name.
So there's no way this site could come back and bite me in the ass, right?
I have been absolutely MIA lately and I am terribly sorry for that.
Will you forgive me if I tell you that I have been suffering from a debilitating case of Writers' Block? Really. It's bad. I'll stare at the computer screen for an hour at a time...watching the curser blink...and blink...and blink...trying to will the words that I so desperately want to say out of me.
This is something I have been thinking about for a while but haven't been able to put into words.
As a new nursing graduate (for some reason, I cannot yet bring myself to say that I am an RN until I am actually working....as hard as I worked for those letters behind my name, go figure), I don't know anything. At all. Seriously.
Sure. I have a book shelf full of binders and binders full of notes and so many textbook that it would make your eyes water and your head spin. I have a shelf full of NCLEX review crap and a CD case full of practice question discs.
But. I. Don't. Know. Anything.
Sure. I may be able to put in an IV on a person who is well hydrated with veins like pipes. I can keep a person calm and listen to them and reassure them that they will be taken care. I can give shots and insert Foley catheters and do a physical assessment and recognize abnormalities. I can quote normal lab values and tell you the general pathophysiology of a disease.
But drop me in the middle of a code? Or have my "healthy patient" suddenly stop breathing?
Well...I hope the patient wasn't someone you liked very much because if I am in charge of their care at the level I am at right now, they probably won't make it. [And yes. I realize that no nursing supervisor worth their salt would put me with a critically ill patient without back up of some kind...but still...the idea remains the same.]
Like I said. I don't know anything about anything.
A professor told me this was normal. Everyone feels like this when they first graduate. That it takes at least two years before a nurse becomes comfortable in his or her abilities. She said that she knew I was ready to graduate because I realized I still had so much to learn.
I guess what brought all this up was a conversation that I had with a paramedic friend. I don't even remember how it started but I think I asked something about if all medics were like him (self assured....or cocky, if you will). He said they should be.
Estelle: Why do you think that? What is it about the field that makes y'all like this?
Him: You gotta have big balls to dance with the devil alone in the streets so to speak. There are only 2 of us in an ambulance as opposed to several docs, techs, nurses, etc. We don't have chem 7s, 12s. Can't check cardiac markers, etc. We have to go only on pathophysiology and our gut instincts for diagnosing. And we have to be accurate otherwise it's back to square one when we arrive at the ED. And for me, doing critical care, we have to make acute care decisions that will last several hours.
We have to have ACLS in order to have our license, it's a choice for an RN. I am an ACLS instructor, teach doctors how to run codes. We paramedics save more than doctors do. I can compress chests, do surgical airways, intraossious lines, intubate, reduce fractures, chemical sedation, induce chemical paralysis all while cutting someone from a car or taking them from a house. Nurses really don't know what we do in the field. We do everything but take x-rays.
I teach EKG and 12 lead interpretation to docs. Paramedics are almost as good as a cardiologist. Paramedic school is basically equal to almost 3 years of medical school. We come out of school ready for action. Nursing only prepares you for NCLEX.
First off....how fucking awesome is that?
Secondly, read that last line again.
*Nursing only prepares you for NCLEX.*
I've heard this before. And it pissed me off to no end. My reaction was something like this:
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN IT WILL ONLY PREPARE ME FOR NCLEX???!!! I AM NOT SPENDING THE NEXT TWO FUCKING YEARS OF MY LIFE LOCKED AWAY IN A LIBRARY JUST SO I CAN PASS SOME GODFORSAKEN EXAM. TEACH ME SOME SHIT THAT IS USEFUL!!!11!!!! RAWR!"
My reaction now?
".....fuck.....i am going to kill someone...because all I knew how to do when I got out of school was pass boards.....fuck...."
Heaven help me....and any of my unfortunate patients.